2012 - I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs, the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.

2017 - I'm preop for the Duodenal Switch procedure for my sleeve to help me get to goal weight....and to fix another hiatal hernia.

Monday, December 31, 2012

December Recap

December has come and gone in a flash! 

I've had some great moments in December.   I hit my goal of 40lbs lost and I lost a total of 5lbs this month.  Not my best effort, there was a lot of snacking on Christmasy type treats and sweets.

December by the Numbers:

Nov 30 - 265.2 Dec 1 - 264.6
Dec 2 - 263.8
Dec 3 - 264.6
Dec 4 - 265.2
Dec 5 - 264.6
Dec 6 - 264
Dec 7 - 264
Dec 8 - 264
Dec 9 - 263.8
Dec 10 - 263.4
Dec 11 - 262.4
Dec 12 - 262
Dec 13 - 260.6 (-40lbs)
Dec 17 - 261.2
Dec 18 - 260.6
Dec 19 - 260.4
Dec 20 - 260.8
Dec 21 - 261.8
Dec 22 - 260.4
Dec 23 - 260.2
Dec 24 - 259.8
Dec 25 - 259.8
Dec 26 - 260.0
Dec 27 - 260.0
Dec 28 - 259.8
Dec 29 - 260.6
Dec 30 - 259.2
Dec 31 - 260.2

Total lost in December: 5lbs
Total lost: 40.8lbs

This month has had a LOT of up and down, and not much in the way of down in the second half of the month.  I'm trying to not worry about it too much, because there is a lot of great stuff that happened as well as the holidays.  

Yesterday I had a tough moment that I've been stewing on.  One of the few people that I've told about my surgery made a pointed comment. I think she is trying to encourage and be supportive, but its really hit me in the guts.

I told her that I had lost 5-6lbs this month, to which she replied,  "that's not enough, I lost that with just exercise this month".


I think it hurts because its mostly true.  This month is not great. I can try harder: I have not been tracking food, I have been sitting around, I have not been getting enough water... I need to change those things.  But I'm also struggling with being HAPPY about 5lbs.  I mean. I would have been lucky to have gained ONLY 5 over Christmas before.  So I don't know, ug. This is not how I wanted to close out the year.

5lbs is 1.25lbs a week - I would like to think that is pretty stellar progress - slow, steady, nothing too crazy.  However, 2013 I do HAVE TO start back biking, my morning exercise is needed, for many reason!  Fitness, mental health and physical condition.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Weekend Update

Well, I've not been doing as good with the water as I wanted yesterday, so today I will have to re-double my efforts.  As soon as it is out of sight, its out of mind.

Missed posting yesterday, I spend the day collecting up and doing crafty things for a friends coming baby shower!  She is having twins. One boy One Girl. It's going to be amazing!!!  I'll have to post some pictures once we are done with all the decorations. 

I ate well yesterday, and I'm planning on another good one today.  There is the last of the Christmas eggnog left that is going into my coffee this morning.  Other than that, I need to hit the grocery store for a few things for this week.  More veg, and I think that I get some cooking done tonight for the weeks lunches.  Turkey meatloaf and some other things. I have time to get that done and get the kitchen clean afterwards. Nothing is more annoying then starting the week with a sink full of dishes that need cleaning on Monday after work.  Bleck!  Mondays are tough enough.

There is lots of cleaning and sorting to get done as well.  Seems like its going to be a very domestic Sunday for me.

Weigh in Saturday: 260.6
Weigh in Sunday: 259.2

Sheesh, I'm bouncing around a lot. I think that this is due to two things.  1. water intake, and 2. period coming on.  That does seem to keep me bloated up for sure.  Ah hormones. 

However, I've been doing some thinking on the end of the year coming.  Hard to believe its come and gone this quickly.  I'm excited for my Month end post, as well as for my 3 month sleeversary (Jan 15).   I can't believe its still under 3 months from surgery.   Crazy!

Friday, December 28, 2012

Constant Vigilance

Well - the end of the year is coming to a close. I was looking on my calendar at the office and noticed that I had "258" in there for Jan 1.

I'm so close!!   :)  

I've been really bad with water again.  I can really feel it when I wake up in the mornings... mouth so dry!!   So I need to get on top of that again.   Constant Vigilance!!  Always be sipping!

I like to slip in as much "nerd" as possible into my posts! haha

So I've been snacking lots, and doing no food tracking. I think that is the main reason for my last few week of stalled weight loss.  That, and the lack of water and exercise.  

Its about come to the time... my body has shed off the first massive push of fat. Now I'm more functional, happier and the weight loss has leveled out.  Time to get serious again about tracking and monitoring myself to get another 40 off by the end of the summer. I'm aiming for losing 5 - 10lbs a month.  This month its going to be closer to 5 then 10.

Weigh In today: 259.8

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Thursday Already

Day two back at the office post Christmas.   It's quiet here thankfully, and I'm getting lots of work done.   Not as much as I could, but I'm a work in progress!!  :)

Weigh In: 260.0 again today.

I can't believe that the end of the month is coming up so fast.  Blink a couple times, and its going to be here.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Also (TMI)

...beets make me poop.  

Good thing its a quiet day in the office and I'm getting plenty of time to myself in the ladies!!!!!  :D

Stay the Course

This is the first real mental plateau that I feel I've hit. 

The first big push of weight loss has been great. I was taking pictures, seeing the shrinking, watching my clothes get bigger on me, feeling the tight clothes get loose, feeling the loose clothes fall off. I see the numbers change - I make the charts, the graphs, the lists.

The difference in the last few weeks, I think, is that I've been moving into smaller clothes.

I'm out of the bigger jeans (L@ne Bryant 20's) and into the smaller L*z Clayb0rn and C0ldwater Creek 20's (LB always oversizes their clothes). I bought 2 pair of new work pants this weekend - 18s (LB) a couple new tops (18/20), a 14/16 elastic waist skirt.  I also had to get some 14/16 undies, as my 18/20's were falling off.  I went to put on my pants this morning for work and looked at the waistband.  "Impossibly small, no way these are going to do up", but they did.

...get to the point girl...

So I think that what I'm seeing (or rather FEELING) is tighter clothes again. Everything is more restrictive and showing the lumps.  I'm getting that "feeling"... I'm fat, I'm gross, all my bits are sticking out so far.  There has been a significant amount of negative self talk going on inside my head.

FACT: have hit an all new low of 259.8 
FACT: I'm down 3 pant sizes and 2 top sizes
FACT: I moved down a bra size
FACT: I feel better and sleep better and look better

Despite all these facts, I've been plagued with scale-fear. This morning I just KNEW that I would be back up to 265.  Didn't happen.   The fat-talk, the scale-fear, the negativeness, the self-loathing, the you can't do it's, the you're-going-to-fails.  Pinching, prodding, tisking in the mirror. All this BS is back in my head.  I might as well be over 300 again with all the hate I have going on right now.

I spent some time out with some very slim people this weekend. Before we were in such different stratospheres of weight that it didn't matter. This time I felt more pressure, more stress, more fat then before, which is a really strange thing to write.

One friend told me that she didn't even recognize me walking over.  So there are changes, I just really need to start embracing them again.  Feeling the successes, looking at them with new eyes, get over this hump and move on.  Also, I think a big one is that I need to start exercising again. 


So, blogging today - this is going to help get it out.

Reason, Reality, Facts and love.  I'm doing it. I'm getting there. It is happening.  You can do it Tamzin. You are doing it.  Stay the Course.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas dinner

Not your traditional meal for us two, but it was very tasty.

Aged New York strip (local grass ranged!)
Roasted Beets
Steamed Asparagus

Mine was the smaller steak (other half is in the fridge for tomorrow) and of that, there was a large bit of fat on the edge was cut off for the dog. So the portion was about half. The dog enjoyed that Christmas meat snack! I will have stinky red pee! LOL.

Nothing like beets and asparagus to remind us that we are what we eat!

Weigh in this morning: 259.8

Another day in the 250's!! Merry Christmas too me!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Success and Learning

I had a great learning night last night... and a great milestone this morning. 

Food - its still a struggle for me visually - the want vs need vs able to eat. 

Last night we were watching some tv (Kitchen Nightmares...which really shouldn't stimulate the appetite) and Gordon was at a seaside restaurant and made fish and chips. The old evil beast reared its head - I WANT - so instead of home "cooked" soup with a little bit of cheese and crackers for dinner, we decided to go to the pub and get some traditional fish and chips. That was mistake one. 

Mistake two was ordering an appy and a plate of fish and chips to share.   Which, in past would have been a major victory.  However, now it is still TOO MUCH.  

We had veggie samosas to start. I had one, took most of the dough off, and ate the inside. We shared the fish and chips, I ate most of the piece of fish - took off 90% of the batter and had 1.5T of tartar sauce. It was served with green peas, and chips. I had 4 chips, and 3T of peas.

Once again, there is good progress here, I'm making better choices, but I'm still not seeing the portions - when I'm eating out.  I'm doing good with my portions at home - smaller plates, measuring tools etc.

That my friends, is WAY too much food.  It was like once I had eaten the samosa I forgot that I had. It's all part of the process, and tonight, Gandalf the Sleeve did his job.

I felt terrible and when I got home, it all came back up.  Not how I want to manage my food, but it's excellent negative reinforcement.  I wanted fish and chips, but I wanted it like I had it before. That just isn't possible anymore.  I can't eat like that, if I try, I don't enjoy it.

I talked to the Husbeast about it after.  I was the instigator, I wanted bad food, food that I won't enjoy and food that is not going to get me to where I want to be. I told him that I need him to be a sounding board. He is such a great man, he only wants to make me happy.  A great quality to have in a husband, but not great for a food-partner-in-crime.  We are taking steps to stop this kind of bad behavior.


This mornings weigh in was a major milestone for me.  259.8lbs

I have finally touched the 250's.   TWO FRAKING FIFTYS!  The last time I was in the 250's was in 2007.  It's such a great feeling to see that number.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Sunday Relax

Weigh-in this morning: 260.2

Breakfast... buckwheat vanilla banana pancakes! 
1c buckwheat pancake mix
3 eggs
4oz Big Train Vanilla protein powder
2 small bananas mashed
2/3c water

Made 6, I had 1.5.

Coffee & eggnog.  Not much more Christmassy then eggnog in my morning coffee. 


The dog has been washed, the pancakes have been eaten. A girlfriend and I are going to get an hour of reflexology this afternoon.  All my shopping is done.  Laundry is mostly caught up.  Kitchen is a mess, but such is life! 

Christmas is mostly here, we were hoping that the Husbeast was going to be strong enough to come up to the second level for Christmas day, so we could sit on the sofa together for the first time in 7 months, but that many stairs are still too many for him.  Ah well - he will get there eventually.

He had bi-lateral quad tendon rupture/repair this summer, so stairs are one of the last things that come.  Ah well, we will just carry on as we have - dinners, movies in his bedroom on the ground floor.  I'll bring all his gifts down to him on Christmas morning.  This has made wrapping and hiding his Christmas stuff MUCH easier since he can't see what I have on the kitchen table!! haha

He has to work Monday, so I need to line up some nice things for me to do... bath, dog walk in the park, netflix, reading. We are having a friend over on Monday night, so I need do some cleaning.  It can wait for tomorrow though.  Today, I'm just going to enjoy the rest of it as I see fit.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Morning organization

Folded and ready to donate!!!! Dress for success is going to get a giant plus size donation next week!! Size 20, 22, 24, 3x and 2x tops. woot! I'm happy to never wear these again.


Yesterdays weigh in showed how much water I've been missing and how many salty snacks I've been noshing on at the office.

Damn you Christmas snacks!

Weight yesterday was 261.8! boom.  Rings felt tighter and I've been not sleeping as well.  Water water water water!

I'm on it!   Yesterday I did get more water.  We were let go at noon, so I got our weekend/Christmas grocery shopping done, got a pedi!  GREEN SPARKLY TOES! and a variety of other chores are finished.

I had some trouble with dinner last night - steak.  But I think that is also from the lack of water in my system.

This mornings weigh in was more reflective of my change in habits!   260.4.  Heading down again. :)

I'm looking forward to a solid quiet weekend with my books, wrapping gifts and visiting with friends.   One of our single mom friends is going to spend Christmas Eve with us, her kids are up with their father, so we didn't want her to be alone.

Coffee, Baileys, Good Company.  I can't wait.

Up and At'em now.  Here's to the start of a nice long weekend.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

2 Month Sleeversary

Okay, I'm a little bit late - 2 months was December 15, but I was away and I've been scrambling at the office since I got back, so today I'll have some time to get a proper post ready.

1 Month Sleeversary post.

2 Months
Starting weight – 301
2 Month weight – 260.8
Pounds lost – 40.2
Pant sizes down – 3
Shirt size down – 2


2 months in and 40lbs gone.  That's only a change of 10lbs from last month to this month, but in all seriousness, 10 FRAKING POUNDS is awesome. I don't know why I would say only. I guess that too is a mind shift that has to happen.  "only 10lbs"...  It used to take me 6 months to lose 10lbs, and then I'd just have gained it back in one weekend of ice cream binging.  So yeah, I am REALLY happy.

I continue to see and feel the changes. They are coming slowly, my eyes are still bigger then my "new" stomach, but I'm starting to get better at judging what portion I can and should eat. 

My main trouble area is water, good ol H2O. I used to be a gulper and be able to drink a liter at at time. That is not possible anymore, and its a poor way to stay hydrated to boot.  This last week has been really terrible. Travel, visiting, travel, busy work, not trying hard enough.

The changes keep coming.  Last night at my chiropractic appointment my Dr was REALLY impressed. She can see and feel the differences in my body.  There was a major breakthrough as well....as noted below....

Amazing Improvements in Month 2:
  1. Last night was the first time that my Chiropractor could adjust my lower back "normally", i.e. in the same way as she adjusts her other patients instead of the modified way that she had been doing it. It had to be modified because I was too large to bend my legs in the way that was needed because my stomach was in the way.  WOW! That my friends, is progress in a huge way.
  2. I saw a hint of collarbone in the mirror last night.
  3. Down a Bra Size!!!! 
  4. Zero allergy medications for the last month.
  5. No daily ibuprofen (WOW!, my liver really is thanking me for this one so I had to mention it again) down from my pre-surgery 4-6 a day.
  6. Getting hugged by the Husbeast is so much ...closer!!
  7. Feeling human.  I'm starting to feel like a human, that people aren't staring at me because I'm so big. I'm more outgoing with strangers, I found myself talking to more people in the airport and on the airplane.  
  8. Reduced food stress. I have found that I'm not so crazy with the food. I'm no longer watching for who gets the "biggest piece" of cake, I'm not worried about getting in line first so I get all the food I want. I eat, then don't think about food again until hours later.  That is a real freedom that I can't put a price on.
Time feels so much faster. Only 2 months?  The changes that have been made are monumental. The difference that this first 40lbs had made is amazing. I feel like a new person. I feel 10 years younger.  I feel like I am no longer ashamed of myself and my body.

I told a good friend in email: "even if this was all that I lost, the surgery would have still been worth it".  I know that this isn't over, and that I'm going to get to my goal weight. Honestly, that is such foreign territory for me, that I can't really even conceive of what its going to be like from my current perspective.  But I can tell you this... I'm excited!

In carrying on the tradition from month 1.  Here is a picture of my dog, asking why I'm on that phone and not taking him for a walk.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Early Christmas for me

A very nice blogger, Lynda, send me a box of her Too Big Clothes and they arrived last night!  It's so amazing!!!  I am humbled by her contribution. Not only the fact that she would send them to me, but that the clothes are so lovely and she let them go to a total stranger.  I can't wait to pay this forward.

They are mostly size 16's, which is going to be my next move downwards.  I'm in my small 20's and 18's at the moment, and I'm going to be very close to getting into 16's....maybe another month and they will be perfect!  I'm so excited!

I found a great charity to donate my old big clothes to: Dress for Success.

In fact, I'm going to volunteer there once a month - sorting clothes and various stuff. I've been looking for another place to do some volunteer work at that is close to my house, and this is a manageable distance.  I'm really pleased!

However, if you are reading this and need some (or know someone who needs) size 20's, 22's or 24's please let me know.  I have a lot of work/dress clothes - pants and various tops.  If you can use these, please send me an email and I'll list them out for you and send you a box before I take the rest to Dress for Success. 

Happy Wednesday all! 

Weight in this morning: 260.4

Monday, December 17, 2012


Ug, travel has left me horribly dehydrated.  Working on improving that situation today.  Up on the scale, I think mostly from above noted condition. 

Time to get some nice veggie soup in me and some more water. 

I took today off from work as well - I really find that I can't just come home and bounce right into work anymore, it takes me a day to get back in the swing, so I have lots of running around to get done as well. 

Time to get to it!

weigh in: 261.2

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Enjoy what I have

I guess I couldn't have picked a weekend more suited to enjoying time with my BFF, her kids, and appreciating everyone and everything that we have. Flying home tonight, I'm going to miss this guy coming in for morning snuggles.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Thursday, December 13, 2012


Well this mornings weigh in was a big surprise!   260.6  HELL YA!

Down: 40.4lbs

This morning my size 20 work pants are so loose, that I had to roll the band down to make them a little tighter!  These were "just right" a couple weeks ago.

damn... 40lbs!!!

Side note: I got my Big Train Chai Tea protein powder mix and their sample pack last night. Husbest and I had a hot chai tea drink last night for dinner.  It was AMAZING!  The Husbeast could NOT believe that it was protein powder. "This is the best protein drink I've ever had".  Direct quote from a man that has had a lot of protein.  I already told my boss about it, she is going to LOVE it! 

I'm also going to take some with me on the airplane tonight in a mug, so that I can have the flight attendant just add hot water and I get an awesome hot protein dinner in flight.  I'm very pleased. Very Pleased!  

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Something crazy

Just happened.

I lay down in bed after finishing packing and crossed my legs. It felt so different... They actually fit together!!!!!!

Next Goal in Sight

I'm 1 pound away from my next goal - Losing 40lbs.  

This morning I weighed in at 262, that is 39lbs down today.  Wow.  Still can not believe how great it feels to be carrying that much less weight.  

I had a personal goal of hitting 262 by my trip to Vancouver, so that goal is done! I leave tomorrow night, so that leaves me one more weight-in tomorrow morning before I get a few days off the scale while I go visiting. I don't think that I will hit the full 261 by tomorrow morning, I've had a few days of biggish loses, so maybe tomorrow I might go down .2 or .4lbs.  But I should be back from vacation and be there. 

I'm super excited!  I mean, how many times have I come back from a vacation and been lighter... I'm going to go out on a limb and say never.

Tonight... I need to start packing, wrap up the Christmas gifts, and get a new book downloaded onto the nook so that I can have some good reading time to myself in the airports and plane.  I LOVE getting buried in a book for 4 hours straight with no distractions.  Bliss.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

She Cooks!!

I made dinner last night out of real food! haha  I'm a good cook, I just don't typically make time for it these days.  Which I know I need to change.  There are only so many omelette's and Amy's frozen dinners I can make me and the Husbeast eat before there is mutiny and we start eating out more. Which I don't want to happen.

Husbeast had physiotherapy last night so while he was out, I made spaghetti squash (noodle substitute) and meat sauce.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy!
  1. cut core and nuke squash in shallow glass dish for approx 15 minutes (until you can take the flesh out with a fork).
  2. 1 chopped red onion and 1T minced garlic in frying pan with little bit of oil
  3. Once its mostly cooked
  4. Add "un-sausaged" hot Italian Jenni-O turkey sausage (squeeze it out of the skin)
  5. cook until brown
  6. Add pasta sauce*
  7. pepper to taste - that sausage is pretty spicy so doesn't need anything else really
note: I drain off all the fat after its done cooking, less grease = yay!

*okay, I guess I lied, I didn't cook everything from scratch, I really only had to chop the squash and the onion!!  :)   I consider this cooking, so that's what counts.

I had some last night and just finished eating it for my lunch.  Really yummy, and I just love the squash noodles. They are amazing, I really don't ever miss regular noodles at the house now. We always have these.

Today's weigh in was a good one. I had a goal of 262 for my trip to Vancouver.  I stepped on the scale this morning at:  262.4

Monday, December 10, 2012

Monday update

Some progress was made in the old weight department today!  :)

Weigh-in: 263.4

More downward movement, and I'm starting to feel less stressed at each morning weigh in. Behavior therapy I guess!  The great feeling is that I'm in control, even if there is a slight up in the down, I know that I'm doing the right stuff, the weight is coming off and I don't need to worry.   

I was looking over my weigh progression, and there is a 2 month pattern.  I know that's not totally a pattern...but last month I stalled out during my period, and same with this month.   Day after it stopped, the loses started again, same with this month. 

This is where all that daily tracking starts to be REALLY worth it.

The hip/groin/back strain is feeling better - I did good and didn't push too hard this weekend, so I recovered over the weekend instead of hurting myself again, which is great news so that I can start back getting on my bike and walking more.

Exciting NSV is going to come up this week.  I'm flying up to Vancouver on Thursday to visit for a weekend with friends.  I haven't been on a plane since early June this year, and well, I didn't really fit. It was a serious workout to get the belt on, I was overlapping all over the place and it was pretty much uncomfortable, and embarrassing.  I didn't not like it.

I know that this time its going to be MUCH more comfortable. I'm still big, and it will likely be a little uncomfortable... but nothing like before.  HURRAY! 

We are going to spend the weekend walking around the parks with the kids, a bit of hiking, a bit of biking, the aquarium maybe.  I really can't wait!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Ahh Sunday!

Busy weekend of chores and visiting, so I guess all in all a nice balance.  

My sleeve has been great, I really notice now when I'm out eating or just out in general, that my obsessive food thoughts are much less.  I was out doing shopping and usually I would have stopped at least once for some sort of food.  Coffee AND, or a drink AND.  There was always a hook.  I'd tell myself I'd just get a latte, then I'd be eating a ckae as well.   Today, I had water in the car and that was enough. Have a sip, forget about food.   As my capacity has reduces, so has my food seeking.  I love it!

I've been great with my water today.  So I'm really pleased about that, I also went out and got a few new tops for work. I was down to 5 tops that I could wear, everything else was just too big. So I added 4 more, so I don't look like I have a M-F uniform!  haha!

I moved down into a few 18/20's and even 2 at 14/16, but they are a little tight and stretchy, so they should last a while longer.  Very pleased.

We had latkes with friends at lunch. Home-made!!
Potato, scallion & quinoa
Sweet potato, jalapeno & quinoa
Potato, carrot & ginger
and... cake balls!  

I had one small latke of each with some apple chutney and vegan sour cream - they were really yummy!  I loved the quinoa in them, and the extra add in.  They are not traditional Jewish - so they like to make things a little more special! :)  3 latkes was lots, and one cakeball did it for me.  Fried foods are not the best or easiest to stay in. I did okay, but we are going to have a super light dinner tonight.

Laundry is on, garbage is collected, blog post is written... time to make some soup and head down to watch the new Batman with the Husbeast!   Excellent end to a good weekend.

Weigh In - 263.8

Saturday, December 8, 2012


weigh in this morning - 264.0  yep, staying steady!

Lots of stuff done today. Laundry, dog washing, vacuuming, dishes, and about to get some late lunch and do a bit of relaxing and reading. 

We are meeting some friends for dinner tonight - Seafood!  I'm looking forward to some nice shrimp ceviche!

Friday, December 7, 2012

Holding Steady

Weigh in this morning: 264.0

Holding steady, but I can almost feel the next drop coming.  Its strange, the ebb and flow that is becoming more normal with my weight loss. I'll have to break out another graph soon - cause they are fun to look at!

Today's lunch is Pita Chips and Garlic Hummus from Whole Foods.  Damn delicious!

I had a great food learning experience this morning.  The Husbeast had another follow up dr's appointment for his knees (double quad-tendon rupture repairs).  So appointment at 7am... Doctor sees us at 8:30am.. you know the drill.  Ug.  So much waiting.   ANYWAY - after we were done we stopped in the restaurant in the building for a breakfast taco before work.   Corn tortillas, egg, bacon, cheese, potatoes, salsa. 

I used to eat 2 or 3 of these bad boys, and a full coffee, and then be hungry and eating again in an hour.  Today I started noshing on it, got halfway through and realized that I wasn't going to be able to eat it all.  So I pulled the tortilla back , ate a little more of the filling, and was done.  

Its was the noticing. I noticed that I was getting full. I changed my behavior and stayed in my limit.  I was happy.  It was a nice learning moment. My eye's are changing finally - they are starting to see what I can and should be eating. No looking at how much more more more more. 

Re-training is awesome!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Turning Back the clock

This morning my husbeast turned around and looked at me all ready to go to work and said, “my god you’ve lost a lot of weight, you look like you did when I first met you”.  Wow, that felt good. really good.   Thats a weight that I was at some 6 years ago.  Talk about rolling back time.

I know that I am still big, but I just feel more human now. Which is horrible to say. I was telling a friend that now I feel like I’m at a size where I don’t think that people’s attention is drawn to me because of my size. No one is picking me out of a crowd as the big one anymore.  I’m blending into the shape of a person instead of a juggernaut. I’m enjoying it a lot. I know that more is to come. I’m still close to 100lbs overweight, so that is a long road ahead to navigate.  But, I’m really looking forward to it.

Weigh in this morning: 264.0

Water is going well today.  I’m looking forward to a quiet night with the dog, some TV and my book.  I’ve not been sleeping very well, and that is mostly because I’ve not been doing any of my nightly stretches. I have to get back on top of that. Also, its still in the 80’s here …. I sleep so much better when it’s cold.  I can’t wait for winter to hit so that I can snuggle down like a bug under the covers.   However, this is Houston, so the best that I can hope for is a cold snap and that we can afford to keep the AC on! Haha!!

My groin is doing a little better – still not great, so I’m going to give it another weekend to see if it will let off.  I really want to get on my bike again, but I really don’t want to get laid up either.  Arg.

So, here is my first picture... I took it in our bathroom at the office.  Jeez... my bewbs are big.  I bought this skirt for $5 at the goodwill, ohhhhh, 2 years ago and it's never fit. Until this week.  I had 2 compliments on it today already!  Color me happy!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


Well, my weight has been bouncing around, but the real tale is in my clothes. 

Yesterday, I wore size 18 pants. They were slightly stretchy, but looked great.  By looked great I mean - NO MUFFIN TOP!!   quite the nsv there, I don't think that I have had any pants that didn't give me a muffin top in the last 5 years. I also wore a blouse that used to gap open from being so tight - which then was so tight that I couldn't wear it anymore. Yesterday it was comfortably loose.

I'm going to have to take a picture of me in the full length mirror at the office the next time I wear that combo.

It's make me realize that I've been wearing my clothes WAY too tight.  You know... not wanting to admit that I was actually a size 26 pant instead of 24... Hilarious vanity to look back at.

I'm wearing a tight pair of 20's today. Clothes are so crazy with the sizing - it really seems completely arbitrary.   The good stuff is in that all of these clothes I couldn't wear a few weeks ago.  So, even though the scale is not moving at a rate of naughts, the fat is coming off.

This weekend I'm going to have to go and get a few things to round out the wardrobe for work.  I'm down to a bare few items.  I'm also going to have to go hit the Plus size consignment shop and sell all my old work clothes that are too large now.  :)  

Weigh In this morning: 264.6

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


ug.  got my pre-period bloat on.  Forgot that was coming. Up on the scale this morning.

Weigh In: 265.2

Good water intake today and food is good.   Food has been okay - I had lunch with our accountant as we have some rather complicated tax issues coming up this year.  I had an appy of lamb/potato croquettes.  Very nice and really... that was enough to fill me up. Still feels awesome to get that off of an appy sized meal.

I can't wait to be done at the office today, get home, eat some dinner, watch Walking Dead, and go to bed. The dog is going to get a short walk tonight.

I slept well last night, but I need another one to really catch up.

Did some icing last night and today. Groin is getting better again, I just have to remember to not push it over the weekend.

Another unexciting post, but hey... thats life! :)

Monday, December 3, 2012

More of the same Monday

I've been staying up too late reading and I can feel it.  I had a hard time keeping my eyes open in my Monday morning meeting.   (side note: Monday morning meeting is the worst combination ever!).

My groin has flared up again. I'm currently sitting on my ice bag in my office chair freezing this bad boy.  More rest tonight, and an actual early night that doesn't have me nodding off and on for 45min while trying to read past midnight. 

Weight was up slightly today: 264.6

Since I had popcorn from the movie theater for dinner last night, I'm not even slightly surprised!  :)  Plus, I'm getting more used to the up down of the normal weight loss routine.   I'm hitting my water hard today, because yesterday I was slack about it.  Another reason for a little blip up in the scale.

I'm feeling pretty good otherwise.  My starting to get more at ease with how I function now in terms of eating.  I'm seeing the portion that I can have, not eating past it, and trying to be really mindful of my protein.  The thing that I'm doing best at is - No drinking with meals.  Its a tough one, but I catch myself now.  One trick I do is take out the straw (which every drink down here comes with), its stops the sneaky quick sips from happening.

okay, back to work here!  More happy-fun-times in the cube.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Sunday Smattering

Lazy lay in this morning
Made pumpkin pancakes for breakfast
Had a little lunch with friends we hadn't seen in ages
Helped teach a co-worker how to start sewing!
Went to the movies with the Husbeast
Dog walk
Doing late night laundry and blogging

not too shabby for a weekend.  

My hip/back/groin issue is better, but not 100%. I can feel it pulling a little when I'm going up the stairs, so I think that I'm going to leave off the biking until Wednesday.

Weigh in: 263.8

Saturday, December 1, 2012

December already!

I can NOT believe that it is December already! Wow! Time is flying.

Last night was our Christmas party: appy's, buffet dinner, free drinks, dessert, games, prizes, photo booth.

I had half a glass of white, 3 shrimps on skewers, and 1 small bit of tuna. Dinner was a smattering of food - salad, mashed potatoes, chicken, steak, bean casserole, bun.  Honestly, I'm starting to get more picky. Its a great feeling. I eat on what protein is good, have a few bits of the rest, and I fill up so fast that I lose interest.

I can't stress enough how this is a WHOLE NEW WORLD.  I was a power and land-speed record eater. I would have had 2 plates, 3 drinks, 3 buns, and.... here is the crazy.

We SKIPPED DESSERT.  Our party had a photo booth thing, so the hubby and I stopped there on the way to the dessert table. By the time that we were done... there was none left.  I really couldn't have been happier. 

We stayed overnight at a hotel near the party for a nice treat. Breakfast included.  I left bacon (among other things) on my plate.


Yeah... I didn't want it.  meh. I had a bit, it was good, I was full.  

Fraking crazy!

okay - anyway.  I just did my weigh in since we didn't get home until late morning and I've been running around.

Weigh In: 264.6