I am a terrible failure at weight loss

I am a terrible failure at weight loss.

I have been my whole life and so why would that change in my 40’s?  In letting go of trying to be “good at this” and accepting that I need more help (revision), I am doing myself a favor.   

 

I have already talked about how I don’t like to “blame” me for failing the sleeve, but the truth is that I did a lot of things wrong.  Stuff that I knew I shouldn’t be doing, but it was easy, familiar and comfortable.  I did a lot of good things, and I changed significantly, however, I want to take time to look at what I want to do now that I have more information and experience.

 

I have been seeing a lot of newly sleeved people doing things (that I also did) that lead to decreased weight loss. Specifically - Eating small quantities of shit food, and saying things to justify them. IAMGUILTY TOO....I used to say all of these things to make myself feel better about eating bagels, ice cream, chips, cookies, candy, etc. etc. 

• It’s just a little
• I still have to enjoy myself or what's the point
• I can’t eat anything else
• I can’t tolerate anything but carbs today
• Sugar is fine
• I’ll never have a life without being able to eat X (insert whatever food is your poison of choice)

 

These shitty foods feel good to MY brain, and in so…. I was willing to overeat more of those foods and damage my results because the BRAIN GOOD overrode the STOMACH BAD feelings. Overeating, overeating, overeating.  

 

The reward was worth the agony, and that agony lead me here.

- I can eat 3+ cups of food in a sitting.

- I can easily eat 3,000cal a day

I have learned a lot of things about the sleeve and bariatric surgery through trial and error, as many of us do.  I am one of many that has become obsessed with food in a completely different way from when I was super obese.

 

In the last few months while thinking about getting a revision, getting my consultation, check-ups, and now waiting on an approval and date for surgery - I have been introspectively looking at my behaviors and thinking about the corrections that I want to make this time with my revision:

 

1. Eat more “whole foods” in the puréed, mushy and beyond stages. 
- Eat less pre-packaged bars, cups of pudding or jello, easy soft carbs like oats and grits mixed with protein powder.
- I bought a blender to purée my own meats, I make my own soups now, and I’ll have a LOT more eggs in all its variety of forms. 


2. Stay off the Gawd Damn carbs.
- I went straight to bread as soon as humanly possible, but I had been eating oats, grits, and soft carbs like that for my soft and purred stages.


3. Better hydration. End of statement. 


4. Stop thinking of my new stomach size as a challenge.
- I used the sleeve as a challenge instead of a tool. How much can I get in there, instead of how much should/can I put in there. Be more mindful.


5. Eat slower. I'm still a wolfer instead of a chewer.



6. Take full advantage of the honeymoon period.
- Last time I thought the easy & fast weight loss would continue for(ever) or at least a year or more. It came to a quick halt after about 4 months.  Then I had another 8 months of slow losses, and then… stopped.


7. Exercise.
- I didn't do anything at all the first time. I bought a treadmill for this time around, walking more will happen and does happen now.


8. Forget what others think.
- First time around I worried about what people would think about my food portions so I was always trying to eat more to appear "normal".  
- Avoid eating out with co-workers, that is a big one.  Everyone wanted to eat with me and talk about my weight loss… ironic!  I spent entire meals trying to look “normal”, this is no longer a concern for me.  I’m busy and I bring my lunch.


9. Better meal planning.
- I was always good about getting in my protein, keep at it.
- Keep packing my lunches. Make more meals at home.


10. Set better goals!
- I was so excited to have lost even 30lbs that I didn't care if I ever lost another pound again. That changed!!


11. Stay away from dessert longer.
- I always followed up meals with a spoonful of whatever was for dessert, and stating that “one spoonful can’t hurt, look at how good I’m doing etc”.
- Food will always be there – so no need to eat dessert every night. 

Holding Steady

Weigh in this morning: 264.0

Holding steady, but I can almost feel the next drop coming.  Its strange, the ebb and flow that is becoming more normal with my weight loss. I'll have to break out another graph soon - cause they are fun to look at!

Today's lunch is Pita Chips and Garlic Hummus from Whole Foods.  Damn delicious!

I had a great food learning experience this morning.  The Husbeast had another follow up dr's appointment for his knees (double quad-tendon rupture repairs).  So appointment at 7am... Doctor sees us at 8:30am.. you know the drill.  Ug.  So much waiting.   ANYWAY - after we were done we stopped in the restaurant in the building for a breakfast taco before work.   Corn tortillas, egg, bacon, cheese, potatoes, salsa. 

I used to eat 2 or 3 of these bad boys, and a full coffee, and then be hungry and eating again in an hour.  Today I started noshing on it, got halfway through and realized that I wasn't going to be able to eat it all.  So I pulled the tortilla back , ate a little more of the filling, and was done.  

Its was the noticing. I noticed that I was getting full. I changed my behavior and stayed in my limit.  I was happy.  It was a nice learning moment. My eye's are changing finally - they are starting to see what I can and should be eating. No looking at how much more more more more. 

Re-training is awesome!

Bloated!

ug.  got my pre-period bloat on.  Forgot that was coming. Up on the scale this morning.

Weigh In: 265.2

Good water intake today and food is good.   Food has been okay - I had lunch with our accountant as we have some rather complicated tax issues coming up this year.  I had an appy of lamb/potato croquettes.  Very nice and really... that was enough to fill me up. Still feels awesome to get that off of an appy sized meal.

I can't wait to be done at the office today, get home, eat some dinner, watch Walking Dead, and go to bed. The dog is going to get a short walk tonight.

I slept well last night, but I need another one to really catch up.

Did some icing last night and today. Groin is getting better again, I just have to remember to not push it over the weekend.

Another unexciting post, but hey... thats life! :)

December already!

I can NOT believe that it is December already! Wow! Time is flying.

Last night was our Christmas party: appy's, buffet dinner, free drinks, dessert, games, prizes, photo booth.

I had half a glass of white, 3 shrimps on skewers, and 1 small bit of tuna. Dinner was a smattering of food - salad, mashed potatoes, chicken, steak, bean casserole, bun.  Honestly, I'm starting to get more picky. Its a great feeling. I eat on what protein is good, have a few bits of the rest, and I fill up so fast that I lose interest.

I can't stress enough how this is a WHOLE NEW WORLD.  I was a power and land-speed record eater. I would have had 2 plates, 3 drinks, 3 buns, and.... here is the crazy.

We SKIPPED DESSERT.  Our party had a photo booth thing, so the hubby and I stopped there on the way to the dessert table. By the time that we were done... there was none left.  I really couldn't have been happier. 

We stayed overnight at a hotel near the party for a nice treat. Breakfast included.  I left bacon (among other things) on my plate.

LEFT.BACON.ON.MY.PLATE

Yeah... I didn't want it.  meh. I had a bit, it was good, I was full.  

Fraking crazy!

okay - anyway.  I just did my weigh in since we didn't get home until late morning and I've been running around.

Weigh In: 264.6

Yes!

Downward trend

Last night we went out with some friends for a fancy dinner to celebrate my Husbeasts new job. The friends we took with us had a hand in him getting new said job. We wanted to treat them as this has really changed our lives, almost doubled his income, halved his on call duties, and is in general BETTER!  YAY!

We also hit the gym with the husband of this couple, so they know about my surgery, which makes it WAY easier to eat out with them -- no pressure to eat more.

We went to a great seafood restaurant, shared some tasty appies.  I had a cauliflower & shrimp soup for entree and then a demitasse cup of sweet leaf ice cream for dessert.  Plus we all shared bites of the great food they had.

Overindulged, yes. And this morning I could feel the puff in my hands from all the salt that chefs use. This is life and I'm not eating out every night, so I'm not feeling guilty.

Weigh in this morning was up - 270.8.   Understandably, given last nights late meal (8pm).

So to make myself feel better I did my November weight chart.  The trend is downwards. That is all that matters. Its not fasts this month, but its heading in the right direction. 

Happy Friday All!

Extra hour!

This morning we got up at normal time, no extra hour of sleep for me.

Today was my first meal out! Husbeast and I headed for a little diner for breakfast. Happily they have grits on the menu so I got a 2 egg scramble with ham, cheese, onions, green peppers and a side of grits! Mixed them together, very yum.

Managed to get in a little less then half. Ate nice and slow. Enjoyed myself very much! It was great to not over eat. Such a difference from before WLS.... When every time I sat down for a meal it was akin to a speed eating contest.

We spent an hour waiting on some stores to open, opps....time change...not how I wanted to spend my extra hour today, but shoes must be bought! I need to retire my sandals for winter, such that it is down here (I.e. not particularly cold).

Weigh in this morning. - 270.8

Wow. I had another moment last night where I just couldn't believe that this was really happening... There was no way that I could keep losing. Mind shift, I am going to keep losing. And tomorrow I get to start biking!!!