I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs,
the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.


MEASURE TWICE - EAT ONCE!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Monday Squats and such

Carrying on my exercise regime, I did a quick five minute bike before a quick five-minute speed walk over to my buddies house to do weights on Monday night. 

Squats
4xbar(45lbs) 8 reps each
Harder than it looks when you go to a good depth and slowly. 

Bench press
1x45
1x65
2x95
6 reps each
Solid effort on all and just managed to finish the last set. 

Quick trot home to stretch. 

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Sunday

Forgot to weigh in this morning. 

Had a big walk with the husband and dog. It was beautiful out. 

Got some groceries, and will be prepping my food for lunches this week. 

Spent a good 40 min raking leaves, moving rocks around and digging up some dirt mounds in the back garden. I am beat. 

Weights tomorrow night. 

Keeping the momentum!!!!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Sat workout done

Nothing too crazy. Farmers walks (weighted bar in each hand) - 80lbs each hand.

Time to get the rest of the days activities started.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas

To all! 

My gift to me today was the start of a new habit. 

Bike - 10 min
Body weight squats - 2 sets of 7

Not much but it's something. 

Monday, December 23, 2013

Exercise!

Finally. Back at it!

First day back in the gym to lift weights today.  It felt a lot better than I remembered. Which is no surprise it's so good for you to get exercise.

My buddy has a home gym and lives two blocks from us so I'll be going over to work out with him three times a week. I used to come and work out with him all the time, but that was presurgery.

My legs are like noodles now! Feels good.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Water

at some poin I'm going to have to stop drinking under 1L of water a day and start looking after business...

Dec 21 - 243.6

:( 

I'm miserable, but can't stop eating the garbage.  So many negative things rolling around in my head. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The Rules

Just a reminder to myself.
  1. eat protein first (60 - 100g a day)
  2. eat veggies second
  3. eat bread last
  4. eat slowly, chew well
  5. stop when I'm full
  6. No drinking while eating - wait 30min after eating
I've been neglecting the protein
I've been eating too quickly
I've been having the carbs first
I've been eating 2 or 3 more bites PAST full

I went back and read over my first months worth of surgery posts.  It was a nice trip back down memory lane.

Today is a work lunch - sushi - so that will be good on the protein side and I'll have mostly sashimi.  Tonight is a party with old friend.  Old friends that eat a LOT and its "treat night".  So I'm planning on taking an eggnog latte with me - which I love - and that is my treat. I will NOT be eating anything else. 

This is still a lot of calories for today, so if I'm not hungry - I'll be skipping the mid afternoon snack.

 


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Phew.

Okay,

hard boiled egg and baby bel Moz cheese for breakfast - DONE!

I have resisted treats this morning 2x already.

Christmas treats moved out of reach - DONE!

Water full - DONE!

Mitigation - STARTING!

Here is todays food.  It might go horribly off track, but I'm starting her and this is where its going to try and stay.  No treats, no extra snacks, no ice cream, no cake.

I had my breakfast and feel.... empty. This is a mental track. I'm not hungry... but I don't feel stuffed and this is part of my issues.  I will go and get my second coffee for the day and start in on the water.  

****Edit**** I just looked up and noticed that it was 10:10am and I had NOT DIED OF STARVATION!!!!   Eating m cottage cheese and pineapple and not dying.  Strange but true.

Cottate cheese at 9:45am 10:10am
Lunch at 11:45am
Snack at 3:30pm
Dinner at 5:15pm
100cal snack after that.... maybe.
Bed at 9pm

17-Dec     
foodamountCaloriesFatCarbsProtein
hard boiled egg1785.30.66.3
Baby Bel Mozzerella1503.506
      
2% cottage Cheese1c2034.48.231.1
pineapple1 pot600150.5
      
mozzerlla skim milk cheese stick1602.508
Pepper turkey - lunch meat2oz600.539
Mustard1/2T0.5000
Rye Bread1.1oz (slice)831.115.52.7
      
Holy Crap (cereal)2Tbsp130686
1% milk1/3c390.94.63.2
      
Amy's Chili - spicy1/2 can1575.119.78.4
mozzerlla skim milk cheese stick1602.508
Nut-Thins161302.5233
Hummus2oz945.48.14.5
      
 coffee w/ creamer x2 80 6 7 1.5
      
Totals 1284.545.7112.798.2
Ideal Totals 140039158105
Difference -115.56.81-44.8-6.8

Monday, December 16, 2013

seriously

I just ate a piece of cake out of the office kitchen.

omg...get a grip on yourself Tamzin.


Weekly Prep

Ug, so I've still be over indulging, we had people over and had cheese plates and cookies and alcohol. Which I over did on all fronts.

However, I did get back to the grocery store and do some prep for the week.  I have veg and meat for dinners this week. Collected up some breakfast foods, and packed lunches for the week at the office.

I will NOT give up!

I've also caught my Husband cooking with butter MORE and MORE.  Ug.  So we have to have a discussion about that.  I don't need butter on everything to make it taste good.  First off I saw it on the frozen peas - you don't need butter to nuke frozen peas.... then a giant pat of it on my sweet potato last night...

I know he loves me and wants me to be happy. That used to mean feeding me food I like.  Which is really just us slipping back into old patterns.  So, yeah... that discussion and follow through is going to have to happen.  Which makes me sad, because cooking an the kitchen is his purview... but if this is what is going to happen, then I'm going to have to step in.  I can't be fed 3oz of butter every night in the vein of making me happy.

NOT that this is the only reason that I'm not losing..... as you could see by MY choices in the post before.  BS skills here. But I don't need the extra help.

ANYWAY!  Also, my weight lifting buddy has convinced me to start back in January.  He told me to get mentally prepared for it.   So... I am! HA!

okay - back to work, water and regularly scheduled programming.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Sugar, sugar and a side of sugar

And I was wondering where I was going wrong.... Girl. Wake up! Photoing all the foods I ate today.... 
Coffee + creamer

1/3 c rhubarb yogurt, 1/3 c fage 2%, 2tbls holy crap cereal

Giant chai latte, almond milk. 

Skim milk moz cheese sticks.

Mini York peppermint patties

Half a bag of these. 

Lobster from the 1/2 lobster roll & 1/3 of the bread.

One mini whoopie pie. 

Fruit??? Nope sugar.... With..... 

Just one......right? 

No. 

And that is where the pictures stopped. However, I had another cookie, cause the fire is burning why not throw some sugar on it. 

Dinner was an Amy's mac and cheese frozen dinner with 1/2c of peas... The only vegetable I had all day. 

F*ck me. 

Posting to make myself do it

yeah... I'm not doing the basics and that includes watching the scale and my food. 

This morning:  242.8.   SWEET F()#$*!!!!

I want the 230's back.  I want them back NOW!

That means, that I'm going to HAVE TO DRINK WATER.   I would guess that I've had less than 1 Liter of water a day for the last 3 weeks.  That is so disgusting and unacceptable.

I've been sick and now I feel even worse.  I can't p00p, I am listless, I'm not sleeping well...

GET ON IT GIRL.  WATER WATER WATER.

Also, time to start tracking food again.  This is BS. 

Monday, December 9, 2013

Accountability

Accountability.....I haz none.

I didn't weigh in all weekend and forgot last week between early mornings and extra working hours. In all fairness I didn't want to weigh in this morning either.  I really really begrudgily stepped onto the scale.

I've been sick and busy, but that is no excuse.   I have to get back into my routine and start monitoring myself.

I had WAY too many sweet and not nearly enough protein.



Monday, December 2, 2013

November 2013 Recap

November by the numbers:

Oct 31 - 239.0
Nov 1 - 238.2
Nov 2 - 238.2
Nov 4 - 236.4 (low)!
Nov 5 - 236.4 (low)!!
Nov 6 - 236.4 (low)!!!
Nov 7 - 238.2
Nov 8 - 237.6
Nov 9 - 238.2
Nov 10 - 239
Nov 11 - 237.4
Nov 12 - 238
Nov 13 - 238
Nov 14 - 237.2
Nov 15 - 238.2
Nov 24 - 240.4
Nov 25 - 240.4
Nov 26 - 240.6
Nov 27 - 240.6
Nov 28 - 241.6
Nov 29 - 243.6
Nov 30 - 241.6

Nov lbs lost/gained: +2.6
Total lbs lost: 59.4



Overall November has been a difficult and trying month, and I have had my first real significant gain after a year of surgery.  Disappointing, but realistic, and it is not so insurmountable a number, as to be defeating.

I went home for a week long vacation and that is a seriously difficult thing.  It was emotional, exhausting, and full of all the foods that I miss about home.  So I over indulged, there was no scale to keep me honest and I let it out of control.  Sadly.  However, the sleeve did its job and I managed to keep it to a couple of pounds. 

However, it wasn’t a great feeling.   Over Thanksgiving I really DID NOT WANT to get on the scale. A clear signed that I need to get on it -  so I made myself do it.  It was the kick up the arse that I needed. 

 Too many meals out, too many days without water, too many “treats” and not enough listening to my restriction.

Today is a nice 239.8 – which is back to an area that I’m more comfortable with as a stable-ish point.  I really would like to crack into the  low 230’s on a consistent basis over this month, which is my goal.

OMG… I have a goal.  AHHHH!   My first instinct is “prepare to fail”. However, I’m going to start working at this and getting some more fitness back into my life, as well as keep at my good habits.  Water, eating at home, and adding in more exercise.
 
I spent the TG'ing weekend doing yard work and putting up the Christmas lights.  I moved the bed around in the guestroom so that I can get to my exercise bike again, and I committed to starting to life weights with a friend again.  So... December is going to be exiting!

All is not lost! 

Monday, November 25, 2013

Vacation

Well, last week I was on vacation and headed up to Canada to visit the family.

It was a tough one - I hadn't been home in 2 years. YIKES!  That's a lot of changes going on.

Also, my Nana has lung cancer, its not terminal (yet) and we are worried. They were going to operate on it  but once she was open they found it was too big and too many blood vessels involved. She is starting radiation this week.  I'm hopeful, but our family is very quiet and they don't talk openly about stuff.  She gave me a painting that I love from her house, and a book of poetry that she had when she was in school.  Which didn't make me feel better about it all.  :(   But I have my hopes high that she makes it through alright.

Also, my mother retired from 34yrs working for the school district in her area.  I have not held a job for longer than 4 years running so I can't imagine.   So I was there to give a speech and help with all the proceedings.  It was entertaining.

The weather was a chilly -9 (around 18F?).  BURRRRR!!!  I'm just not prepared for that kind of cold anymore.  It keep us inside and we didn't do any hiking like we usually do. 

I mostly eat and drank all my favorite things that I can't get down here (Tim Hortons, perogies). Visited with family and friends (lots of meals) and slept very little and fitfully at best.  Water was HORRIBLE.  Flying is so dehydrating as well.  I pretty much just grazed and grazed - 80% of it on garbage.  Blah. 

Frankly I'm surprised that I am in the low 240's.  Thank you SLEEVE!!!

My family is extremely disfunctional, and sadly I'm always left thinking.... why do I bother to come and visit them?  Sad, but true.

Anyway - back to work today and thankfully both the men I work for are away all week, which means that I can catch up on the 300+ emails and all the work that has been deferred.

Also, time to get on the water, and re-new my efforts to try and start working out again.  Plans must be made.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

NSV x4

Catching up today.  Its a quiet morning at the office (finally!).

Its been a roller coster of life for the last month.  I finished up a huge event at work on tuesday and recovered from the fallout of work undone on Wednesday. Slowly catching up to go on vacation next week.  The never-ending cycle of catching up will start over after that.  HA!

My weight has been on the up down again this month, but I'm not unhappy.  Its been hitting lower lows and lower highs, so I'm still trending downwards.  That is progress. Its not fast, but its still progress.

My water intake has been diabolical.  Which is a big hindrance to weight loss.  So once again, I need to take steps to make water drinking a more important part of my life.  In the past (pre-sleeve), I would simply down a liter of water in one go and feel better. Of course, that is impossible now.  Sip Sip Sip Sip.  Need to get on track with that.

Onto the NSV.  Winter is creeping into Texas, and we are finally getting temps into the 40's and high 30's (I know...thats not cold compairatively!).  So this weekend past I did some shopping.

1. Knee High Boots
I bought 2 pair... one black, one brown. I don't know why, but I love to wear dresses to the office, especially in the winter, dress, tights, boots.  Best!!   My Feet have shrunk with my WL and I'm back down to a size 10 (from an 11).  AND... the NSV part... the regular width boots FIT OVER MY CALVES!!!!!!!!   I am so excited!

2. Sweater Dresses
1 bought 2 sweater dresses.  A sweater dress is not something that I EVER thought that I would be able to wear... granted, I look a little lumpy, but I got a long tight cami to try and smooth some of that out. Wore one yesterday and felt pretty darn great.

3. Size L
One of the sweater dresses is a Large. It was so crazy to put it on and see that it fit! I also got a blouse that was a Large as well. I had picked up an XL and realized that it didn't look good...because it was TOO BIG! Mind Blown

4. Tucked in
final NSV today ... I am wearing said size L blouse and it is tucked into my skirt. That is something that I would NEVER have done before. Feels good. 

Here is a pic today.
Blouse - L
Skirt - 2X (but its a small 2x and I can slip it off over my hips without undoing the button... I think aother 5lbs down and I won't be able to wear it anymore - and I love it, so I'm going to wear it as much as possible for now)
Boots - 10 regular (LOVE!!)



a little compairison. 

Dec 2012 (264lbs) v. Nov 2013 (237.2lbs)

 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Oops! Mini-"vacation"

So..... I ended up in hospital with a possible infected ankle joint this whole last weekend. 

Not good. 

It all started with some poison ivy on my leg, that I left too long to get steroids for.... once I was done my 6 day pack of those, my ankle swole up and turned red.

Sat morning at 3am I woke up to it throbbing and headed into the clinic...who promptly sent me to the hospital!

X-rays
MRI
IV Antibiotics
2 days in hospital

I was released on Sunday late afternoon with a month long prescription of antibiotics, orders to stay low on Monday and keep my ankle up.  I'm working today, but headed home at noon.

Thankfully, the infection is external to the joint, but still very painful and sore and serious.

Needless to say... I'm taking it easy.  This afternoon will be couch time and ankle up.

Friday, November 1, 2013

October 2013 Recap

The numbers for October:

Sept 30 - 238.6
Oct 1 – 239
Oct 2 – 239.6
Oct 3 – 239.8
Oct 4 - 238.4
Oct 5 - 240.2
Oct 6 - 238.2
Oct 7 - 238
Oct 8 - 238.2
Oct 9 - 239
Oct 10 - 237.6
Oct 11 - 238.8
Oct 12 - 238.6
Oct 13 - 236.4 **new low
Oct 14 - 237.6
Oct 15 - 237.2
Oct 16 - 238.4
Oct 17 - 238.2
Oct 18 - 237
Oct 19 - 236.4
Oct 20 - 236.6
Oct 21 - 236.8
Oct 22 - 238
Oct 23 - 238.8
Oct 28 - 239.6
Oct 29 - 239.0
Oct 30 - 239.0
Oct 31 - 239.0


Total gained in September: +0.04lbs
Total Lost: 62


 
Despite the “poor” finish, I am really pleased with the kind of progress that I had over the month. 
 
I’ve touched down at an all new low, and in general feel that I’m working on a trend that is getting me lower.  It’s not fast, but it’s there.   I need to get some new winter pants – all my summer pants are getting droopy.  I don’t think that I’m down a full size yet from my 18’s to 16’s, but I’m close!  The jeans I’m wearing today… are loose in the waist straight out of the drier - that’s a clear sign I’m altering my size.

I got my new driver’s license yesterday in the mail – new address and since I’m not a US citizen, I have to go in and renew everything in person. The only bonus was that I got a new picture.  I don’t post pictures of my face… for reasons…(I don’t want to be identified, I hate my nose (it’s been broken five times and is quite crooked) and it’s not my best feature for sure and frankly, there are probably more fat-creepers looking at the pictures on my blog than people who are interested in weight loss, WLS etc. So if you really want to see it – send me an email!)

ANYWAY!   The difference was shocking.  SHOCKING.  I look distorted - misshapen.   I think that the biggest difference that I’ve noticed in my life since WLS is that I finally feel like a human again. 
 
When I was at my heaviest (for the last year before surgery, I honestly felt like a monster, I didn’t fit into the world, I felt horrible, I looked like a walking dumpling.  There was nothing feminine left about me. I struggled to do everything – was concerned about where I sat, would I fit, would my belly hang out and touch people, could I get into this booth and still breath and eat?  Really important that I eat.

I spent last weekend with some people at a festival. Most of them had not seen me in a year or more.  I was sad to see that a few of my friends from this had gained all the weight that I’ve lost (and some).  They were, of course, very keen to hear about what I was doing and how I had lost the weight.  For every suggestion: more protein, smaller portion, smaller plates to eat off of, no drinking while eating, ditch the soda: I was met with a barrage of excuses. 

One of the ladies - while I was telling her the basics - finished an entire bag of caramel-bacon popcorn (yes, you read that right), including creating the perfect funnel from the mouth of the bag so that she could tip all the crumbs out of the bag into her mouth.  A technique I am quite familiar with.  
 
It was an  extreme mirror moment.  I lived like that for so MANY years – losing weight is too hard, too this, too that - I like soda, I could never give up X or Y.  They said all the things that I have argued myself. 

Surgery was the jumping off point - I knew that I couldn't do it myself.  Surgery was like getting shoved out of an airplane at 30,000 feet.  My job is to pull the cord.  I might be falling, but I still some control over the choices to make.  I can pull the cord and learn to glide, or I can free-fall back into the life I had before and blame it on the people that pushed me out the door.

Its been a full year and I can honestly say that I'm still learning. I've changed, I've grown (mentally) and shrunk physically.  Its been hard, I've cried, I've loved it, I've hated it.  But I have changed in many substantical ways and I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Halloween:  I bought candy that I hate.  I threw away the last 10 pieces when we finally closed up last night.  Things that would NEVER have happened before.  I would have bought 2x more of mini chocolates, eaten them all, and gone back for more “for the kids”.  Throwing candy in the garbage last night was one of the most incredible feelings.  I stood over the can and thought, “This is something that I wouldn’t never have believed I would have done”.

Feels Great!  I'm excited about life again. 
 
 

 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Easy On, Hard Off

My extended weekend of poor eating is haunting me.  Of course, we all know how hard it is to take off what so quickly went on.

Plus, the cravings. Sugar sugar sugar. ug.

I had a chiropractic appointment on Monday afternoon however and she said that there was another noticeable difference in how I look and feel to her hands.  That is worth a million weigh-ins!!

So I'm struggling with water, a constant theme for me (former soda monster), and still fighting the carb overload.  But, I'm not going to worry too hard.  I'm getting it sorted out. 

Water is open and on my desk. Its going to happen today!

Monday, October 28, 2013

3 day travel weekend

Oufff....

3 days of car travel
3 days of visiting
3 days of eating out
3 days of car snacks and poor choices
3 days of not enough water

weigh in this morning: 239.6

Remediation in progress!!!  See picture of packed high protein lunches ready to rock n' roll this week!!


 
Cottage Cheese
Fruit cups
Lunch boxes:
roasted chicken
mini pitas (2)
hummus
baby carrots
grapes
lite moz cheese string
cucumbers
Ensure's
 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Water

Last 2 days I've not gotten enough water, in fact yesterday I went a whole workday with maybe a single cup.

238.8 on the scale this morning.  Yikes!

Time to get back ON the water train.

Monday, October 21, 2013

A Year in Pictures

Progress... I've made some!!

(Oct 2012) 301   -    256   -   252   -   240   -   (Oct 2013) 236

Friday, October 18, 2013

Some pics

Family came into town today, so I don't have time for a long post, but I did snap a couple pics today to show some progress over the last year. 

My old pants 24 v new 18. I'm almost down into 16's.


Side on shot today. I'm ... Particularly pleased with my progress. 


Finally... My Halloween nail applications came in (amazon)!! 


Soooo creepy!!!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

One Year Later!!!

One whole year later…. As of today I have lost 63.8lbs.  Oct 15th I was up early and waiting for surgery.  I was actually calm, collected and completed unafraid.  I wanted to wake up and be skinny, of course, that didn't happen, but.... here I am a year later and I am really very pleased with the progress that I have made.  I knew that this was not a problem that I was ever going to be able to solve on my own, and I'm glad that I finally had the balls to do something about it.

I never set a goal for time and weight loss. I didn't have the 100lbs/1year goal.  63lbs has been a transformation in itself and I know that I am still working towards a goal weight  

 One Year: Wow… that really REALLY went fast. Much faster than I thought that it would.  

Funnily last night I was watching on TLC, my 6OOlbs life.  And although I was not 6OOlbs, I could totally relate in all ways to the experiences of the people on the show.  The before: teasing, uncomfortable, how hard everything was, walking, stairs, moving around, getting in and out of my car... crazy. The surgery and after eating: struggles, image, food, water, life. 
 
In fact it was a great reflection on my behaviors and how I could be doing better and more for myself. I echo their sentiment – this was the best thing that I ever did for myself.  I still struggle with head-hunger and behavior problems and food choices, but I keep on working on it and that is the key. 

I cannot believe some of the changes that have been made.  A serious transformation in a year.  Yesterday I was wearing a dress from Old Navy (XL) and it was slightly too large for me.  Mind Blown!  I wouldn’t have been able to squeeze into a XXL in OldN a year ago.  There were a LOT of things that I couldn’t do last year…..   

 Here is my weight chart for the year.  I took the 1st, 15th and last day of each month ad made a shortened version of my tracking.  It shows my progress pretty well.
 
 
 

I have a new pair of sandals that have an outside ankle side buckle.  I keep trying to do it up with one hand because "before" I wasn’t able to actually bend over and get both hands to the outside of my ankle. Not a problem anymore.  It was so strange to be able to jut bend over and reach the buckle with both hands.  Last night, just for a test, I tried to see if I could bend over and get my palms on the floor (like I could in university) and I could.  Awesome!   I’ve been taking pictures of my face lately at the office because I literally don’t recognize myself.  I stare at the photos and look at this “strangers” face.  

So many positive changes - SO many that I don’t even have time to write about them all today.   But this is going to be a great day of reflection and recommitment to my process of change, and to embrace it even more.
 
I'll have to do some pictures tonight and get a compairson journey up on here... This anniversary really snuck up on me.

Happy Anniversary to me!  I can’t wait to see what the next year brings for my weight loss journey.