October 2013 Recap

The numbers for October:

Sept 30 - 238.6
Oct 1 – 239

Oct 2 – 239.6
Oct 3 – 239.8
Oct 4 - 238.4
Oct 5 - 240.2
Oct 6 - 238.2
Oct 7 - 238
Oct 8 - 238.2
Oct 9 - 239
Oct 10 - 237.6
Oct 11 - 238.8
Oct 12 - 238.6
Oct 13 - 236.4 **new low
Oct 14 - 237.6
Oct 15 - 237.2
Oct 16 - 238.4
Oct 17 - 238.2
Oct 18 - 237
Oct 19 - 236.4
Oct 20 - 236.6
Oct 21 - 236.8
Oct 22 - 238
Oct 23 - 238.8
Oct 28 - 239.6
Oct 29 - 239.0
Oct 30 - 239.0
Oct 31 - 239.0

Total gained in September: +0.04lbs

Total Lost: 62

 

Despite the “poor” finish, I am really pleased with the kind of progress that I had over the month. 

 

I’ve touched down at an all new low, and in general feel that I’m working on a trend that is getting me lower.  It’s not fast, but it’s there.   I need to get some new winter pants – all my summer pants are getting droopy.  I don’t think that I’m down a full size yet from my 18’s to 16’s, but I’m close!  The jeans I’m wearing today… are loose in the waist straight out of the drier - that’s a clear sign I’m altering my size.

I got my new driver’s license yesterday in the mail – new address and since I’m not a US citizen, I have to go in and renew everything in person. The only bonus was that I got a new picture.  I don’t post pictures of my face… for reasons…(I don’t want to be identified, I hate my nose (it’s been broken five times and is quite crooked) and it’s not my best feature for sure and frankly, there are probably more fat-creepers looking at the pictures on my blog than people who are interested in weight loss, WLS etc. So if you really want to see it – send me an email!)

ANYWAY!   The difference was shocking.  SHOCKING.  I look distorted - misshapen.   I think that the biggest difference that I’ve noticed in my life since WLS is that I finally feel like a human again. 

 

When I was at my heaviest (for the last year before surgery, I honestly felt like a monster, I didn’t fit into the world, I felt horrible, I looked like a walking dumpling.  There was nothing feminine left about me. I struggled to do everything – was concerned about where I sat, would I fit, would my belly hang out and touch people, could I get into this booth and still breath and eat?  Really important that I eat.

I spent last weekend with some people at a festival. Most of them had not seen me in a year or more.  I was sad to see that a few of my friends from this had gained all the weight that I’ve lost (and some).  They were, of course, very keen to hear about what I was doing and how I had lost the weight.  For every suggestion: more protein, smaller portion, smaller plates to eat off of, no drinking while eating, ditch the soda: I was met with a barrage of excuses. 

One of the ladies - while I was telling her the basics - finished an entire bag of caramel-bacon popcorn (yes, you read that right), including creating the perfect funnel from the mouth of the bag so that she could tip all the crumbs out of the bag into her mouth.  A technique I am quite familiar with.  

 

It was an  extreme mirror moment.  I lived like that for so MANY years – losing weight is too hard, too this, too that - I like soda, I could never give up X or Y.  They said all the things that I have argued myself. 

Surgery was the jumping off point - I knew that I couldn't do it myself.  Surgery was like getting shoved out of an airplane at 30,000 feet.  My job is to pull the cord.  I might be falling, but I still some control over the choices to make.  I can pull the cord and learn to glide, or I can free-fall back into the life I had before and blame it on the people that pushed me out the door.

Its been a full year and I can honestly say that I'm still learning. I've changed, I've grown (mentally) and shrunk physically.  Its been hard, I've cried, I've loved it, I've hated it.  But I have changed in many substantical ways and I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Halloween:  I bought candy that I hate.  I threw away the last 10 pieces when we finally closed up last night.  Things that would NEVER have happened before.  I would have bought 2x more of mini chocolates, eaten them all, and gone back for more “for the kids”.  Throwing candy in the garbage last night was one of the most incredible feelings.  I stood over the can and thought, “This is something that I wouldn’t never have believed I would have done”.

Feels Great!  I'm excited about life again.