2012 - I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs, the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.

2017 - I'm preop for the Duodenal Switch procedure for my sleeve to help me get to goal weight....and to fix another hiatal hernia.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Magic Pill

The Husbeast was out of town last night, and as is my normal self sabotage ways... I stopped and let myself get a pint of ice cream.

Ben & Jerry's American Dream. I used to polish off one of those, a large pizza and 2 cokes.

Even with success,there is still the need to overfeed, binge, self sabotage. Its the ugly side of food for me.  That I still look at it as a secret. I would NEVER do that if he was home, and well, he would give me the side eye and tell me not to.. so there is that as well.

I know that I can't eat a whole pint anymore, the sleeve has fixed that. But tat desire to feel sick from eating is still there.  So, that happened. I ate ice cream on the sofa until I was sick.  Which is really NOT the way that I want to maintain my weight.  Throwing up is not good for you. Neither is eating a pint of ice cream. arg.

In terms of eating, I had been really quite good for the last week, and the scale is showing it.  I cut back on the amount of eating out we have done. Upped my proteins in the work day and my water. Both of which are helping. 

I did binge on ice cream last night, but not much of it stayed in. That just serves to highlight my success and failure at weight loss. I really wish that there was a magic pill for this - head and .  I mean, I've had the sleeve surgery, which is about as close as I could come to a magic pill, but as everyone knows (who's had surgery, lapband etc), that there is STILL work to be done. This sleeve is a tool. It keeps things in check, just like carrying a smaller purse keeps me from lugging my whole world around on my shoulder.  However, I still have to pick what go IN there.

Anyway, I think that writing about my food activity - the good and the bad - more. I wasn't going to .... I was just going to post my weight and try to forget about this happening.   Writing this out and really examining myself and my eating is going to help in the end.  I also confessed to the Husband, and let him know what I did, another thing that I wasn't going to do.

Weigh in this morning, 242.6. A new low for me!  :)   Which makes me happy, but also makes me aware that I don't want to think of it as a reward for bad behavior.  So, keep drinking that water, and keep eating that protein girl.


  1. I hate when my husband is out of town. I get a little depressed. My husband was out of town last night too, but he should be home today. I'm glad you shared your experience.

  2. The first time Darrell went out of town (after my sleeve) I bought a Family Size bag of Doritos and some French onion dip (my go-to binge food). Needless to say, I got sick and only had to do it twice more to learn my lesson.

  3. Yes, practicing good behaviors is happening. days when I'm alone... its the trigger: alone, tired, easy food.... ug!

  4. Unfortunately WLS is not the just the answer to all our weight issues...we are still going to struggle with the head game. I think we have all pushed the boundaries regardless of knowing what it would do to us and hopefully it will only take once or twice to learn. It takes time for the behaviours to change, but they do without us even thinking about it. I'm glad that you have shared your stories, because it's part of accepting and moving on...

    1. totally!!! Its still work and I have to do it. But... its getting etter in small steps. Progress progress progress. :)