2012 - I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs, the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.

2017 - I'm preop for the Duodenal Switch procedure for my sleeve to help me get to goal weight....and to fix another hiatal hernia.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Looking Back

I spent some time last night and read through all my first 2 years worth of posts.  It was a delightful and terrible walk down memory lane.

I can see all the errors that I made back then, things that I wouldn't do again. 
  - too many carbs
  - too much sugar
  - no exercise
  - always attempting to eat too more

I also see just how far I have come from and I'm still proud of that. 
Changes that I have made:
  - no soda
  - no booze (not that I was a big drinker anyway)
  - generally make better food choices, more protein
  - 50lbs gone and to be fair, I was headed to 350+, which is not my reality anymore

I feel like this surgery was a pendulum swing for me. I was so far to one side (binging and eating amounts) and the surgery swung it way to the other.  The final result was that I settled in the middle, which is still too many calories to get to where I want to be. I can and do eat 1700 - 2200 a day and I am hungry several times in the day. 

If I get approved and have surgery to re-sleeve myself, then the arc of the pendulum will be so much smaller this time, that I think the final resting place will be more reasonable than 250lbs and more like 1195/200.

Directly after my first surgery consultation in 2012 I went to Shipley's donuts and bought a dozen donuts and ate 11 of them in my car.  The week before my pre-surgery diet started I ate three full sized bagels and a tub of cream cheese.  I also used regularly eat a whole large pizza, followed by a pint of ice cream and a liter of soda. I never left anything on my plate.  

I feel that the mental leap from eating 4,000 calories in a sitting to ~1,000 calories a day was so huge that I couldn't even grasp it.  It was actually mentally impossible for me to see that I need so little food that I could get by on a 1/4 of what I had in a single sitting.  I couldn't conceive of a meal that didn't have a starch of some sort - WAS it even possible to HAVE A MEAL without carbs?

I do a lot better now, I eat better, more protein and actually follow the diet guidelines, +100g protein a day - but the issue is how much I can eat. 
I've read this a few times and I don't like how it sounds, but there it is.  Looking back through all my other posts it was nice to have a few that were stream of consciousness - much like this.  So, posting these thoughts for my own good.

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