2012 - I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs, the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.

2017 - I'm preop for the Duodenal Switch procedure for my sleeve to help me get to goal weight....and to fix another hiatal hernia.


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Mantra

Today I am not hungry.

Today I am feeling scared, stressed, nervous, tired, overloaded, guilty, and worried.

I am not hungry, and putting food in my mouth will not solve any of the other feelings that I'm having.

The interviews went well - they are making me an offer at the end of the week for the new job I applied/interviewed for. 

I had to tell the two women that I work for yesterday that I was possibly leaving the department. That was hard.   Really hard. I chickened out twice.  I really hate to disappoint people, I hate putting myself first, I feel guilty for leaving, even though its best for me.

I'm also scared about the new job, more travel, more responsibility, more everything.... what if I can't do it, what if I do it badly, what if they don't like me.

Then I remind myself: I've never had a job I didn't do well, I'm a high performer, I get max bonus's, I get great reviews, and I always strive to do my best - this will be no different.  I will put in the effort, I was the top candidate for a reason, they aren't stupid. I am going to be great.

So today I have to STOP feeding my feelings. 
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8 comments:

  1. LyndaFebruary 12, 2013 at 10:05 AM

    I've been struggling with putting myself first lately (I even wound up in therapy for a while). But, we ARE worth it. And, I discovered that when I take care of myself first, it makes it easier to take care of all the other things as a result.

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    1. TamzinFebruary 12, 2013 at 11:09 AM

      Yes! Exactly right, I have struggled to put myself first - thats how I got to over 300lbs.

      Time to stop thinking I'm second place!

      Delete
  2. SheilaFebruary 12, 2013 at 12:23 PM

    Putting ourselves first is so HARD to do but the benfits are so worth it! Good for you for doing this!

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  3. UnknownFebruary 12, 2013 at 10:57 PM

    It's so hard to think or ourselves. I struggle with this too. But I force myself to practice it every day. The family is adjusting! And they are supportive. Yes we are our worst enemy. But keep practicing that action! One day it will be second nature and everything will come together smoothly! Congrats on the job! You are going to do great, you have always done great!

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    1. TamzinFebruary 13, 2013 at 8:48 AM

      Yep - so common, others first, then me. I've done the right thing, time to enjoy it! :)

      Delete
  4. SosieFebruary 13, 2013 at 12:00 AM

    Congratulations on being awesome!! You are going to do so great, and it sounds like you know it! I get very upset and stressed about letting people down too. But you have to do what is right for you.

    ReplyDelete

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