April 2014 Monthly Recap

Monthly Recap -  RAWR Edition

Pounds Gained this month – 2.4

Pounds lost overall – 64.6

Month by the numbers.

Mar 31 - 234
Apr 1 - 234
Apr 2 - 233
Apr 3 - 232.6
Apr 4 - 233.2
Apr 5 - 233.4
Apr 6 - 232.2
Apr 7 - 232.2
Apr 8 - 232.8
Apr 9 - 233.2
Apr 10 - 232.8
Apr 11 - 234.8
Apr 12 - 235.2
Apr 13 - 234
Apr 14 - 232.4
Apr 15 - 232.8
Apr 16 - 233.4
Apr 17 - 235.8
Apr 18 - 236
Apr 19 - 236
Apr 20 - 236.2
Apr 21 - 235
Apr 22 - 235.2
Apr 23 - 235.8
Apr 24 - 235.8
Apr 25 - 237.2
Apr 26 - 237.2
Apr 27 - 236.6
Apr 28 - 235.2
Apr 29 - 236.2
Apr 30 - 236.4

 

 

Well, I really let that one go at the end here.  There must be a correlation between me setting a goal and me FAILING in the complete opposite direction of said goal.  I literally gained for six straight days the day after I said I wanted to see 229 on the scale this month.  

Expecting things of myself is dangerous apparently.   Honestly, just wandering along being happy with what I’m doing is much better. 

Of course, I also let go the triad of evil:

 

1.       Stopped drinking enough water
2.       Stopped tracking my food
3.       Started eating out more

Accompanied with poor sleep, work stress, and a general lack of self-control and boom.  Back up in the mid/high 230’s. 

 

I also had a lot of poor self-talk – the old ugly “YOU DESERVE THESE TREATS” reared its head. Nothing good ever comes from that.

 

So, its back on the wagon.  I’ve not started tracking food yet, but I’m taking steps and gawds knows, if I set anything too high I’m just going to lay down and not get anywhere.  Step one has been – TAKE A DAMN LUNCH.  Which I’ve done, but I already had a snickers bar today.  *SIGH*  

 

Also – get on top of water.  I’ve had puffy swollen feet for half a month now.  It’s all because I’m down on my water and my body is suffering from it. 

 

Today’s REAL emergency was I took a shirt off the hanger to wear to work today... and put it back because it was slightly tight at the start of the month – I couldn’t even bear to try it on and see how my belly has filled in again.  Damn it – 2lbs does really make a difference.

 

Time to get back on track. 

Me vs Me

This week has also taken a turn for the shitty eating. I just could not stop today. Arg. 

Want

Need

Why are these so hard for me.

I don't think I've felt hungry once this week.

Must.Adjust.Attitude. 

NSV!!!

Bah. Focusing on the negative lately and I want to post about the awesome yesterday.

I ordered three dresses from Ol' Navy, because online you can get them in Tall, which means that I can wear them to the office (i.e. length is appropriate!). That extra 1.5 inches makes a difference!!

I got three, all XL Tall (and they were on sale!!!  $12 each!!!).

I pulled them out and looking at them - I just still get that feeling - that I am going to have to SQUEEEEZE into these and its going to be uncomfortable and yuck.

I pulled the first one over my head and it basically dropped onto me perfectly. Happened with all three.  One was even ... LOOSE!

:)

I danced around the living room in my new dresses and reveled in the good feeling.

Happy day!

Water... Take 259

I beat the cake craving yesterday...but I didn't watch my water intake.

So thirsty this morning. 

Scale is up a little as well.  233.4

Water bottle is filled up. 

Back on the "water" horse again.

For the billiontyith time.

Fighting the good fight

I'm really fighting the urge for junk today....

do I want CAKE  or do I want to see 229 on the scale.

Thus far, scale is winning. 

Although I'm going to cave and have a slow sip on some diet coke soon to keep me occupied until its time to go home.

Old Patterns

I had a bad week at the office last week.  My "give a damn" was broken and my capacity for stupid questions was backed up. 

So what did I do....

Mostly.... I turned to food.

This is an old old pattern that is really really difficult to break. I did it with full awareness, which doesn' make it better.  But I knew that I was eating to feel good, and sadly, I have to report that there was a part of me that did feel good about it on Friday night - post Chinese food horribleness.

I justify it with, a binge on bad food now is a joke by comparison, which it is. However it the behavior that is damaging, not the amout of food - since its such a small fraction of what I would have done before.  But I want to acknowledge that this is STILL BAD BEHAVIOR.

AND, even though it is a "small amount" of food - I was punished with a 2.4lbs gain over the weekend. That was... scary.  I'm amazed at what salt can do to the body.  Regardless, I snapped out of it with my Sat and Sun morning weigh ins. I hit the water, and am back on track.

Saturday and Sunday I did NOT want to weigh in - those are the days I make myself do it, since I know those are the days I need it the most.  Which I did.

I've been stalling on getting back into my lifting (something that I could have done instead of eating), so I'm going to get back on that this week and start with some light biking and body weight squats.  Next week I'll hit the gym again - lightly, as my abdominal wall still has some tender spots, but that scar tissue just has to be worked through.

Anyway - todays food is all planned out in MFP already.   I find it so much easier when I don't have to make decisions.  What I can eat is in there - no substitutions, no deviation.  Easy.

I think that April is the month to break out of the 230's and touch 229 at least once.

Tasty Tasty Salt

had a number of salt bombs yesterday.

All delicious, but man... the scale was up almost 2 lbs this morning!

Woof... that's a big old jump.  

Water water water.