I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs,
the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.


MEASURE TWICE - EAT ONCE!

Monday, September 30, 2013

September 2013 Recap

The month by numbers:

Aug 31 - 239
Sept 1 - 238.6
Sept 2 - 238.0
Sept 3 - 238.2
Sept 4 - 238.8
Sept 5 - 239.2
Sept 6 - 240.2
Sept 7 - 240.6
Sept 8 - 238.6
Sept 9 - 238.2
Sept 10 - 240.2
Sept 11 - 239.8
Sept 12 - 241.0
Sept 13 - 240.8
Sept 14 - 240.2
Sept 16 - 238.8
Sept 17 - 240.6
Sept 18 - 240.4
Sept 19 - 239.2
Sept 20 - 239.8
Sept 21 - 240.2
Sept 22 - 239.2
Sept 23 - 239.4
Sept 24 - 238.8
Sept 25 - 238.8
Sept 26 - 239.4
Sept 27 - 238.8
Sept 28 - 238.6
Sept 29 - 239.0
Sept 30 - 238.6

Total Lost in September: .4lbs
Total Lost overall: 62.4lbs








September has FLOWN by, and I seriously can't believe that this month is over. 

As you can see, I'm still struggling in the 238 region.   I spent some time this morning reading over my previous monthly posts and reflecting.  I have to make some changes, they are going to happen, but as usual - life is a big excuse for me. 

However, things are on the up and up:
  • The house s 95% done for cleaning, painting, rennos and I've not got a lot more task to get done. Light painting, hanging more pictures. Easy stuff.
  • The garage apt is 95% done and we have it rented out.  The tenant is coming over tonight to get key, drop off a check and she is moving in next weekend.
  • Work is going well - its busy (but its never not going to be), however I've just passed the 6 month mark there and things are starting to get easier.  I'm more familiar with the role, the duties and the processes.  That feels good.
  • I'm 60+ pounds lighter than I was last year... and it is coming up on a year next month.  I've not spent much time thinking about all the great things that I've accomplished, how much better my life is and focusing on the good.  Which I'm going to do.
As to This month: 

There were some improvements that need to be noted: 
  1. I tried on my leather boots and got one more button done up on the side! YAY! 
  2. I bought a shirt at Old Navy that was.... A LARGE!!!!  LARGE!  woot
  3. My bras are all on the tightest set of loops. Time to get a few new ones of those too.  That will mean that I'm back into a 38inch band.
  4. We had friends over that hadn't seem me in a year and they were shocked/impressed.
  5. All my pants are getting too baggy, but I'm going to wait another month for "winter" to get some new ones.
  6. I bought some new shoes this weekend as well, and was back down a 1/2 size to a full size.  Which is great, because I was up to a tight 11, and now I have a few 10's and 10.5's that are fitting.
  7. I made and packed up lunches for this week, getting in my protein and water.

Goals:
I purchased a yoga-mat yesterday. This is my goal for October is to get up every morning and do 10 - 30 situps and pushups. Every morning. Roll out, get on the mat. Nude if I have to, and do crunches and pushups until I can't anymore.

My other goal this month is to get to bed before midnight. There is no way that I'll be able to get out of bed to do said pushups if I am not getting at least 7 - 8 hour of sleep. So... the TV is going to have to be given a break.

Okay.  Thats it!  11 months in, October 15th will be one year since my surgery and all those amazing changes... but I'll wait until next month to talk about those!  :)

Happy Monday!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Progress by degrees

I like excel, and numbers and graphs and stuff!!  Especially when it comes to this weight loss journey.  I weigh in everyday (almost) and I log and track it all, I didn't want to do it at the start. The scale my worst enemy, and it was really difficult through my life to make myself weigh in.  So, at times like these, I'm glad that I made myself do it. 

I've not been doing great the last few months, but there are changes. They are just easy to overlook.  So I did this little comparison to show me that even though I don't feel it... downwards trends are happening.  

June, July, August and (most of) September:

 



Plugging Along

Nothing monumental to report for the last week.

I've not been 100% on top of my eating, but I have been more mindful, and I'm back into the 238's again for the last couple of days.  I'v been watching my water a little more and trying to get back on top of it.

Lots of bouncing around for sure, but I had a look at my last month to this month and I'm in a lower up-down, so its progress and I'll take it.

I had a golf event to put on yesterday for work, at the office at 7am, and done at 7:30pm.  Thats a long one.  But we had a great day, and everything when off without too many issues. Nothing that I couldn't solve anyway.  Event planning is a lesson in flexible thinking.

We are having our House-Warming this weekend, so I'm going to be moving n the last of hte painting in the evenings at home. 

AND... we rented out the garage apartment.  There is still a fair bit of work that needs doing up there, but we have a very nice young nurse who is going to move in the second week of October.  She has an adorable Corgi dog, who gets along with our dog - all is well!  However, the task list is long, so I have to get on top of knocking out some more of these before she moves in!

Phew. 

Perhaps that mythical "just a few more months of hard work" are coming to an end.  All that hard work is paying off and we should be able to enjoy our weekends instead of performing backbreaking DIY all the time! Ha!!

Perhaps... I'll even have time to get in some EXERCISE!   On that note, I signed up for a bike rally next weekend.  Very exciting!

Monday, September 16, 2013

20% is not good enough....for me

So in the wake of my last post and subsequent week of introspection and though and feeling sorry for myself, I've come to the conclusion:

1.      I might have reached my surgical "easy" plateau of 63lbs lost.

2.      I am not happy with being 238lbs.

3.      I can still use my surgery to help me be successful.

4.      I will also have to work, and not just rely on my internal modifications to do all the work.

5.      I should find some counseling/mental assistance.

6.      I absolutely must start some sort of exercise.

7.      I need to get more routine back into my eating life.

8.      I need to hydrate WAY more.

I had some good long thinking on my weight loss. I went to An Taylor this weekend with a girlfriend and I fit very nicely into all XL tops. I am still too scared to try on pants. The fact that every top that I tried on fit and I got to pick the ones that looked nice is still strange and alien, but I like it. I want more. I want to be able to feel this way in all shops all the time.

So, as much as losing those 63lbs has changed my life, I still want to be slimmer. SO. WORK has to happen. I need to learn more about how to lose weight, with my assisting small stomach.

I spent this weekend working in our garage apartment getting it ready to rent out. We have completed the lions share of the tasks that need doing, we are down to the small things (that we can do) and the large things (that we need contractors to do).

Painting and taping and bending over all weekend has left me sore and tired again. Also my fingers are covered in paint and I found some in my hair this morning while straightening it! HA!

Weigh in was on the downward trend again, but I was great at hydrating and my goal for this week is to stay on that. Water Water Water. Of which I am about to go and get on it!

I'm feeling more positive this Monday. I think that is a combination of processing information and renewed desire.

 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

20% - is that good enough?

So a couple of my favorite bloggers, Sheila at This One Body and Linda Sherwood: Fat Mans Daughter (both of whom I admire for their efforts, results, and candor) have posted this week about the realistic side of WLS, loss percentages and expectations.

If you have not read the blog post by Sheila, you should go and do that now.

I've had a couple of tough days of introspection and rumination on this topic.

Here are my stats:

Starting WLS weight: 301lbs
Current weight: waffling between 238 - 241
% total bodyweight lost – 20%

Average for WLS 20% – 30%

This is what I though yesterday morning - while struggling: 

So I have lost 20% and have been at this stage for the better part of three months.  This begs the question. Have I done losing weight with my surgical assistance? 

Do I now have to go back to good old fashioned self-control, exercise, and decision making?  Because, that's why I was 300+ pounds. I don't have any of those skills.

I can’t say that I’m making good choices all the time.  I’m over stressed, over tired, and unhappy with my workload and life.  I know that all these things are temporary, but then again… it always seems that I solve one issue and three more crop up.  

When am I going to have time for the gym again?  When am I going to make time for the gym again?  When am I going to start paying attention to my food again?  Why do I feel the need to eat as much as possible at every opportunity.  Granted, the surgery has limited it greatly – the reason for the WL and the last three months of maintaining a 60lbs loss.   But how long is that going to be true if I don't keep working at this???!

Am I weak minded, sick, mental, stupid, incapable?   Sadly, these are all the same questions that I used to ask myself at 300+lbs.   It’s been said before and said again – WLS does not fix your head. I guess, I need to fix my head.  I feel bad about myself, my efforts, my abilities.

When I hit the 260’s I wrote that if I never lost another pound I would still be happy to have had the surgery and it was all worth it.   But now…I don’t feel happy and satisfied with my body.  Is it time passed. I think I’ve already forgotten what it is like to be over 300lbs. Life was horrible, hard, and everything was 100x more difficult.

Old familiar patterns are back – just in smaller quantities. Eating to overfull, seeking sugars and carbs, making excuses for my behaviors. Seeking comfort in food even though it actually doesn't provide comfort.  
 
I’m not pleased. Is it that I’m not able to make changes?  I am sitting at my desk thinking about getting a bag of chips and coke for my lunch. I AM NOT EVEN HUNGRY.   Today is not a good day – today I feel pathetic.
 
So I struggle all day yesterday: but decided that I had to start getting tough on myself.  WHY did I want chips and chocolate. WHY did I want to take the easy route. Why wasn't I satisfied. Why aren't I valuing myself more.
 
So I didn't get chips, or chocolate.  I did drink half a can of diet coke.  I didn't get enough water, but I started challenging myself.
 
I told my Husband that I need to up the protein again and get off the refined carbs that I'v been relying on.  I told him to stop buying little ice creams for the house. I told him that the Belvia breakfast cookie, were not a great idea for me.
 
This morning I had an egg, a slice of turkey lunch meat and a slice of cheese scrambled.  No sugary yogurt.  Small steps, small steps. I don't want to be done at 238/240.  I don't want to be 175 either.  But I really REALLY would like to get down to 200, or 195 and see if that weight is going to be sustainable. 

195lbs would be 30% loss for me. Still within the "average".
 
Maybe, there is no weight that I'll ever be happy with my body at. I don't know.  But I do know, that I'm not happy now, so the only thing that I can do is start working at it again.  No matter how much I don't want to put in the effort.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Second Verse, Same as the first

Water, I'm not drinking enough. 

I've lost my work water bottle. I forget and then boom. Its 4:30, I want dinner.  I eat dinner. I dont drink water. Then its bed time and  can't drink too much.

I need to sort this out.

DRINK IT GIRL!  getting a glass for water now.

I've been eating well - not overindulging and wieight went up today.... pretty sure I know why.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

August 2013 Recap

Here are the numbers:

July 31 – 239

Aug 1 -239.8
Aug 2 - 239.8

Aug 3 - 239.8
Aug 4 - 238.8
Aug 10 - 241.6
Aug 11 - 241.0
Aug 12 - 241.6
Aug 13 - 241.4
Aug 14 - 241.4
Aug 15 - 242.8
Aug 16 - 242.0
Aug 17 - 243.2
Aug 18 - 243.2
Aug 19 - 242.2
Aug 21 - 242.2
Aug 22 - 240.4
Aug 23 - 240.4
Aug 24 - 241.4
Aug 25 - 239.8
Aug 26 - 240.8
Aug 27 - 240.4
Aug 28 - 240.8
Aug 29 - 241.4
Aug 31 - 239.0

Total pounds lost in August – 0.0
Total pounds lost overall – 62


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This month has not been great for eating and water. I have been overindulging in snacks, sodas (in limited, but regular quanities) and I’ve been giving myself a lot of excuses that I like to use to make myself feel better about it.  I also had some very strange period activity – which was stress related (it was 8 days late and stayed for 4 days longer than usual – not preggers!). 

I was “hoping” that I would break into the lower 230’s this last month, but hoping is not going to get me there. Moving more, eating right, and drinking my water is going to get me there.  Hoping is going to get me wallowing around at the same weight I am right now thinking about my smaller clothes and how much I want to wear them, while I eat on the sofa and watch BBC America and HGTV.  Not good.

Lots of change happened externally this month.
 
Kitchen renno completed
House painted
Moved in
Unpacking
Budget season (Yuck!!)
This last weekend I spent a good 3 hours a day up in the garage apt cleaning, scrubbing and washing it out.

Things are going to settle down, and the Houston summer heat is starting to die down a little.  Soon I’ll be happily working in the yard and drinking my coffee on the veranda in the mornings.  I can’t wait.

I do feel that my life right now is running from one fire to the next in a panic. Stomping it out to a manageable level – then running to the next fire and stomping on it, only to have to move onto the next fire and then back to  the first one again.   Spinning my wheels I guess.   I know that I need to start adding in exercise to my life, but I’m not making time for it.  There is time for it – but I’m not getting it onto my priority list.  That has to change.

I have to do more than say I need to change. I need to actually make change happen.  I need to find a way to do that. I’m not partially positive about it happening in this moment. But.. I still want to say I need to do it, so that one day… I actually will.  

YOU NEED TO MAKE CHANGES

Okay, back to my regularly scheduled update.

Progress is still being made.  My weight hasn’t changed too much (Zero balance for the month), but my clothing is fitting differently.  My smaller clothes are starting to slip on easier, I made it into my goal jacket from 3 years ago! And my regularly worn clothes are starting to look downright baggy. 

Baby steps. 

Right, speaking of – work is still a priority – as a short week is really a work deferral program and I have a lot of stuff to catch up on. Starting with the 40 emails that came in while I was out at lunch. 

Monday, September 2, 2013

NSV

It's been a long long weekend for us. We've been cleaning scrubbing and slaving away on the garage apt. It's a job for sure! Especially since it has no a/c and its hot as hades here!! 

Positive, I've been getting in a great workout!! :)

Today I finally broken out the packed clothes to hang and sort in the new closet. Since it was all out on the bed, I went through my "almost there" pile of 16's pants and l and xl tops. All the pants pulled up, but no buttoning up (Ug, being thick waisted sucks) the legs fit great, but such is life! A couple if the smaller tops that were too tight in the arms are loosening up. Progress is being slowly carved off my body. 

I did pull out a fleece hoody that I bought over two, maybe closer to three years ago as a goal shirt. It's an xl n*ke running fleece, thumb hooks, split hood so your pony tail can peek through, and nice high neck zip. I love it! It's 98 degrees today, but I'm going to love wearing this hoody in the coming winter (such as it is in Texas - but it does get chilly here!)

and......... it finally fits, even in the arms, which is where it had been holding up. :)