I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs,
the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.


MEASURE TWICE - EAT ONCE!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

July 2013 Recap

Its been in interesting month.. Here are the numbers: 

June 30 - 241.2
July 1 - 241.0
July 2 - 240.8
July 3 - 239.8
July 4 - 240.8
July 5 - 241
July 6 - 241.6
July 7 - 241.6
July 8 - 240.6
July 9 - 240.2
July 10 - 240.4
July 11 - 239.4
July 12 - 239.6
July 13 - 239.4
July 14 - 240.4
July 15 - 240.4
July 16 - 241.2
July 17 - 241.2
July 18 - 240.8
July 20 - 239.8
July 21 - 239.0
July 22 - 239.8
July 23 - 239.8
July 24 - 240.2
July 25 - 239.6
July 26 - 237.2
July 27 - 236.6
July 28 - 238.0
July 29 - 237.6
July 30 - 237.6
July 31 - 239

Total pounds lost in July - 2.2
Total pounds lost overall - 62
 
 
 
This month I stopped "coasting" with food.  I'm on a bounce up at the moment, but I've been struggling with sleep and water the last few days (as the husband was on call this week and was up every morning at 2 - 4 on the phone and laptop, so I was not getting good sleep).
 
However, I have renewed my efforts with food. I had been eating because, well... because I could. Not because I was hungry or that I hadn't had any food for 5 hours... I was eating because food fit in there.  Which, is not the way to use the sleeve.  It will hold whatever you stick in there.
 
I was happy to start seeing more numbers in the 230's.  It has given me a renewed sense of purpose. 
 
I had my nine month check up with my surgeon.  He wasn't "disappointed" but he wasn't pleased either. And judging by the number of excuses that cam involuntarily shooting out of my mouth, neither am I.
 
I also turned 39 this month, and was at 236.6.  A bare 3lbs away from my college weight!!  A massive realization for me.  That... this is really going to happen.  I am really going to finally be a manageable weight... for real.  Really for real.  
 
This month I also found out a friend is going to not be beating cancer. His attitude and efforts in his life have given me a chance to reflect on mine, and I find it lacking.  I need to grab hold of the good things and make them sweeter by looking at them in a new light. 
 
Heres a happy for me... look at all this progress!!!!

 
 

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Coincidence… I think not

Today is the day before my 39th birthday. I weighed in this morning at 236.6 pounds.

I distinctly remember Weighing 232 pounds in college. Not too shabby a birthday present for myself I would say!!

I've been making a lot of better choices over the last few days. In doing so, I've been thinking about my friend- who has had the entire lower left side of his face removed due to cancer.

He has been on a feeding tube for the last eight months, has no lower jaw or soft palette on that side of his face anymore. Now, the cancer has returned, which means that he is never going to eat another meal in his life. 

Keeping him in mind, it is made some of my choices significantly easier. So I don't think it's coincidence that I've lost a couple of pounds in the last few days by simply – not letting myself eat food I don't need. 

We are going to go out and meet friends at a pub for my birthday tonight. And we are going to enjoy some food and drinks and friendship. And I am not going to overindulge. I'm going to enjoy friendship without over feeding myself. 


Thursday, July 25, 2013

Head Check

The power to blog is not with me these days.  I've been working too much, still recovering from being sick, and not sleeping well and by extension... not eating great and making poor choices. My choices. CHOICES.  omg, no one is holding a gun to my head telling me to eat more.

I found out today that a friend has been given 1 year before he will succumb to his cancer. He has already had half his soft palette and lower jaw removed to try and eradicate the cancer.  Despite all of this, he has a better attitude about life then I do right now..... Which really means I need to get my head out my asshole and start remembering to enjoy my life and stop thinking that its so damn hard.

He will never eat another meal in his life.  So I have no excuses for complaining about how "eating right" is difficult.

Life can be a real bitch sometimes. But I have to remember to grab that bitch and spank her over my knee and send her on her way.  Life is fucking great for me, I don't have anything to complain about.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Slammed

omg, I've been so tired at night that I have not even had enough energy to sit and type.

We signed all the paperwork and bought a house last wednesday
I recovered (almost) from being sick
I spent the weekend gardening
My legs are KILLING ME
It feels good to be sore
My hip is not bothering me from al the gardenng (excellent sign)
We went and saw Pacific Rim (teehee!)
I have 9 month check up at the Surgeons office today
I am SWAMPED at work and am going to have to get back on my 10 hour days at the office.  Ug

okay - that is the basics.  More later. 

Also, here is the dog, checking out the squirrel action at the new house.




Monday, July 15, 2013

Back to work

I had all last week off to relax around the house.  It was great. Did some reading, watching tv, walking the dog, drinking coffee and various bits of cleaning. Met a couple of friends for lunch and that was about it.

The husband was sick all week and - of course - it finally caught me on Saturday night.  I can't afford to be out sick this week, so I'm going to have to power threw on drugs and coffee.  Bleck.

Water
Soup
Toast
NyQuil


this is what I see in m future.

I spent a good number of days in the 239 range.  A nice foray into new low territory, but I am all bunged up now, so this week I'm expecting to be up in the 240's again.. which I was this morning.

Such is life.

:)

Thursday, July 11, 2013

NSV of the day

Those are my wedding rings, all up on my middle finger!! 

Almost time to get a "stunt ring" for the rest of my weight loss. 


Monday, July 8, 2013

Snails pace

Well, I feel like I've been moving at a snails pace for the last 4 months, and I have.  Its been a slow crawl downwards since February.  So I had a read back, and there is progress, so I just have to keep plugging away. I have to keep working too.  The new job has thrown my priorities for a loop, as did selling the house, moving and our new house search (excuses excuses!).

I thought that some new pics might help me, but in all honesty... I don't see a real difference between the 252 and 240. Ug.  I actually think I look bigger, but, but, but.,  New house, new mirror, different clothes.  

I know that I'm smaller, but it feels terrible.   However, I'm posting it up here anyway. I will overcome these feelings!

252 lbs - 240.6 lbs

301 lbs - 256 lbs
Wow, though...I can sure see the changes from the start.  :)

This week I've taken a week of stay-cation.  I a weeks more vacation time then the husband, so I'm reading, resting, relaxing.... okay, today was chiropractor, bank, blackberry checking, laundry and groceries, BUT that's it. I'm going to enjoy my time to MYSELF!

The other good news.. the fridge is full of good foods for me to eat, and healthy choices.  I'll get in some naps, some dog walks and some hip therapy work.   Very exciting!!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Hip Report! OK!

X-rays came back clean. No noticeable degeneration or malformation of the femur heads or hip socket! HURRAY!!!!!!

Now then, that means that this is soft tissue, so that still has to be sorted out. But at least I know one thing its NOT and that is important.

I'll be getting a dr's appointment and getting a scrip for some pysio and evaluation.  Maybe a gait analysis as well - since that may be one of the problems that has contributed.  But - this is all speculation, so I'll leave it for the professionals.

However, now I don't have to think about my joint grinding away while I'm walking!!!  YAY!

Happy 4th of July to you all.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Another stuck moment

Last night I had another "big bite" stuck issue with a green pepper.  Another not easily digestible bit of food (like the recent apple incident).

This morning I am suffering.  Sore tummy,crampy and unhappy.  Its likely inflamed from the retching and the stuckness last night.  I'm going to stick to soft foods and liquids for today at least, maybe a couple of days.... since I couldn't even manage my morning coffee here at the office.

That will make it a lot easier to not eat poorly over the holiday. Burgers Galore on the 4th!

Also today - I have an appointment to see the Dr. about my x-rays.  I'm excited and nervous to see if I have hip-degeneration.   

Sadly, this is a super busy week so I won't be getting off early today, and I do have to come in and work on Friday. I should come in and work tomorrow, but I'm not going to.  I'll trade it out for the weekend and come in one day to catch up before my week off.

STAYCATION!  July 8 - 12th.   YAY!

Right, I must be feeling chatty - 2 posts in one more. 

Also...


239.8lbs! 

New Territory!

I'm feeling like the Christopher Columbus of my weight loss today ... My first foray into the 230's!!


Weigh-in 239.8

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Hip to be square

So, the Husbeast was doing some research for me on hip pain - since he is suffering watching me limp around. He discovered that there are a lot of people (forums) that show these symptoms post dramatic weight (greater than 50lbs) loss - a large number of them after WLS.

I suppose that I knew that it was going to be a part of the issue.

I had some x-rays taken yesterday (Hips and lumbar).  I have a family history of hip joint issues. 

My mother had her hip replaced at 55, both of her parents have had both of their hips replaced. My Nana, had one hip done twice.   This does bode well for my long term hip health - but tomorrow they should have the films and be able to see if I inherited the genetic flaw of badly shaped femur heads that wear out the hp socket. Fingers crossed that I don't. I've seen what recovery from hip replacement looks like and I am NOT INTERESTED.

In the mean time, the appointment yesterday with my chiro was excellent. She did a lot of ART (Active Release Technique) aka - torture - on my adductor. Which released the hip a lot and I'm feeling better. Not 100%, but better, and I'm not worried that I'm about to go critical again and spend a week on the sofa unable to move my leg, walk or get up without assistance.

Anyway - its interesting that so many WLS people have ended up with hip issues.  Have any of you gone for physiotherapy for gait and movement/lower back treatment? 

Then again... it makes sense.  I know that I walk differently, sit differently, lay down differently. My body feels, looks and physically IS different.  Fat creates pressure in the body, and now that it is gone, everything is moving around more, shifting.  So I suppose that this makes total sense. 

I'm feeling more positive now, and hopeful that tomorrow I will get good news (normal femur and hip structure). However if I don't - I'm just going to be happy to know what the issue is and then work on solving it. I'm going to start looking for a physio clinic as well - I'm quite sure that it is in my future no matter what the x-rays say.

Monday, July 1, 2013

June 2013 Recap

June by the numbers:

May 31 - 241.2
June 4 - 242.6
June 5 - 243.6
June 6 - 244.0
June 7 - 244.6
June 8 - 244.6
June 9 - 244
June 10 - 245
June 11 - 244.8
June 12 - 244.6
June 13 - 243.6
June 14 - 243
June 15 - 244.6
June 16 - 243.4
June 18 -243.2
June 19 - 243.2
June 20 - 243.0
June 21 - 242.4
June 22 - 242.0
June 24 - 241.0
June 25 - 241.2
June 26 - 240.8
June 27 - 240.8
June 28 - 241.2
June 29 - 242.0
June 30 - 241.2
 
Total pounds lost in June - 0
Total pounds lost overall - 59.8 (exactly the same as last month)
 
 
 
June was a lot of work emotionally. 
 
Weight wise I was up down up down ARG. That is hard on a girl who has been a lifetime dieter, BUT~!!!!  BUT, the happy news is that even though I did not lose anything in terms of pounds this month, everyone that has seen me thinks that I look smaller.   So there are still changes happening.   Not on the scale (which is where it is easier and more satisfyingly measurable), but it is still happening.
 
I'm solidly into a normal XL. I bought a shirt off the rack at Neman Marcus his weekend (Massive sale at the off-rack store, nothing better then getting a $100+ shirt for $25.00!).
 
This month I did struggle with emotional eating, binging and some sabotage eating.  I didn't post a lot, and I know that I should have more. I need to document these things better so at the end of the month when it comes down to this, I can look back and see why.  I have to look back and remember, but at least there is this.
 
I made a significant number of poor choices and then last week had a self imposed ban on eating out. Which I managed until Friday night.
 
I guess the theme of June is"work in progress".
 
July I have my 8 month follow up with my surgery doc.  He wanted me to be at 210, which is NOT going to happen of course, but... then again. Whenever someone challenges me to do something that I , I make it a personal goal to fail and show them.  *sigh*. 
 
I could work harder
I could eat better
I could do more
 
But I have not.  I have only done what I have done.  I don't know how I feel about that.  I have the desire to be an over achiever, but then the demands and rigors of life crop up and I don't make more time for these things.   Which... is how I got up to over 300lbs in the first place.
 
I think the one thing that I want to really work on is not eating to max capacity.  This is my worst habit. I eat until I can't (also how I got to over 300lbs).  I need to wait to feel actual hunger before eating.  Measure my food out again, and eat slower.   Perhaps these should be my goals for July.