I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs,
the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.


MEASURE TWICE - EAT ONCE!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Trying

This week I've eaten out of:

anger
happiness
sadness
bordness
madness
guiltiness
weakness

I have eaten to punish myself, soothe myself, anger myself, and hate myself.

I have pushed my limits to make myself physically uncomfortable with food so that I can feel that - instead of emotions.

This is not what I want to do to myself. This is not what I want to do to my body.  But to prevent this, I have to do something about the mind. 

That's the hard part.

I'm holding steady with weight in the 240's, but I can feel how bloated I am with salt and junk.

blarg.  Time to wake up again and realize that food is not the answer to life's stresses.  IT.IS.NOT.THE.ANSWER.

12 comments:

  1. Tamzin, we are on the same wave length and path...I've been struggling with this all week too. I just had my 6 month follow up with doc and NUT and ended up crying saying that my emotional state just doesn't seem to get much better and that I'm over the constant battle of it all......they have given me a recommendation to see a therapist who works with WLS/eating issues....also iv'e ordered a book called 'If Not dieting...then what?' apparently it is a good read....These are normal emotions but it's how we cope with them that is the difference... we have to keep thinking about how far we have come.... hugs xx

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    1. I'm totally going to look this book up! Thanks Roo!

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  2. No it's not the answer but recognizing that is part of the journey. xoxo

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  3. I think the head issues are such a huge part of this surgery. Keep up the good work. Remember it's a bad day, not a bad life. You're doing great!

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    1. Thank you melissa, struggling is all part of it I think. At least now when I do this, the amount of food is reduces... now to work on the why i do it!

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  4. I agree with Drazil. You need to recognize what you are doing in order to correct it. Big hugs!

    As for dealing with emotions, I highly recommend writing. You don't have to put it up on the blog, but it can help you deal with your feelings. If you do put it on the blog, Drazil has some great memes -- like the one about shanking people or WTF Wednesday and BYOC (Bring your own crazy). ;-)

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    1. I've been totally slacking on writing. Its true - I need another way to deal with thing... other than putting food in my mouth. Time to get ON IT!

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  5. Thanks all! It is part of the journey, and today I wanted to hold myself accountable for ALL the reasons that I'm stalled that I've not been talking about. Time to make some changes!!!!! :)

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  6. I'm struggling too. It's like every moment of the day is a choice and I'm making the bad one. But, we can do it. Live and learn, I guess.

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    1. yep - its hard. Also - knowing that I'm choosing wrong.. and doing it anyway.... thats the real issue! arg. Must get on top of it. :)

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  7. Food is never the answer ... unless you are fueling your body for nourishment. But that is SUCH a hard lesson to learn and not always easy to apply to every situation. Hugs girlie...knowing WHAT you need to battle can make the journey easier.

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