Looking Back

I spent some time last night and read through all my first 2 years worth of posts.  It was a delightful and terrible walk down memory lane.


I can see all the errors that I made back then, things that I wouldn't do again. 
  - too many carbs
  - too much sugar
  - no exercise
  - always attempting to eat too more


I also see just how far I have come from and I'm still proud of that. 
Changes that I have made:
  - no soda
  - no booze (not that I was a big drinker anyway)
  - generally make better food choices, more protein
  - 50lbs gone and to be fair, I was headed to 350+, which is not my reality anymore


I feel like this surgery was a pendulum swing for me. I was so far to one side (binging and eating amounts) and the surgery swung it way to the other.  The final result was that I settled in the middle, which is still too many calories to get to where I want to be. I can and do eat 1700 - 2200 a day and I am hungry several times in the day. 

If I get approved and have surgery to re-sleeve myself, then the arc of the pendulum will be so much smaller this time, that I think the final resting place will be more reasonable than 250lbs and more like 1195/200.


Directly after my first surgery consultation in 2012 I went to Shipley's donuts and bought a dozen donuts and ate 11 of them in my car.  The week before my pre-surgery diet started I ate three full sized bagels and a tub of cream cheese.  I also used regularly eat a whole large pizza, followed by a pint of ice cream and a liter of soda. I never left anything on my plate.  

I feel that the mental leap from eating 4,000 calories in a sitting to ~1,000 calories a day was so huge that I couldn't even grasp it.  It was actually mentally impossible for me to see that I need so little food that I could get by on a 1/4 of what I had in a single sitting.  I couldn't conceive of a meal that didn't have a starch of some sort - WAS it even possible to HAVE A MEAL without carbs?


I do a lot better now, I eat better, more protein and actually follow the diet guidelines, +100g protein a day - but the issue is how much I can eat. 
 
I've read this a few times and I don't like how it sounds, but there it is.  Looking back through all my other posts it was nice to have a few that were stream of consciousness - much like this.  So, posting these thoughts for my own good.

Food Tracking

So I've been a bad food tracker since last week when my back went sour and I'd been living in pain since then.

I've just been letting it slide, which is never good. I think I kept my weight down because the foods that I wanted and tried to eat would not stay down (hotdog, taco to name two of them), and that put me off my eating for a bit.

Today was a freakn' free for all and I was about to go to bed without writing it all down and calculating it all out.  "Oh... about 1,100 for sure", I've been telling myself all night, even though I overate snacks after work instead of just having dinner.

So I forced myself down and put it on the spreadsheet, and lo and behold, what do I remember.....

Right... cherry kolache at that meeting....oh... and some smarties in the afternoon.... and the cereal after work.....there is an extra 445 calories that I didn't need today.  Also, I didn't need that last cheese, that was silly and I ate it even though I didn't want to.  Yummy, yes.  Needed, no.

Also... Water.  Drink some silly woman.

Getting shit together in 3....2....1...

Here is todays totals.

Monday
food	Amount	Calories	Fat	Carbs	Protein
Noosa Raspberry yogurt	4oz	130	6	14	9
Coffee & creamers (2)	1	40	3	3.5	0.5
cherry kolache	1	210	5	37	3
Noosa Raspberry yogurt	4oz	130	6	14	9
Turkey muffintin meatloaf (aka: Pucks)	2	280	14	9	28
mustard	1T	3	0.2	0.3	0.2
smarties	1	25	0	6.2	0
Laughing Cow - swiss	1	35	1.5	1	2
Laughing Cow - chipotle	1	35	2	2	2
Quaker oat squares	1c	210	2.5	44	6
Acorn Squash	1/2c	57	0	15	1
Turkey puck	1	140	7	4.5	14
laughing cow - cinnimon	1	45	4	2	2
Totals		1340	51.2	152.5	76.7

Meat! Its on the menu

I'm officially into Phase 3 - soft foods - as of this past weekend. Which isn't too much different from the pureed foods, other than I get to add in some cooked ground meat (YES!) and I'm still not on raw veggies yet. Chewing went well today, and I ate at a good pace.

My protein intake has shot up a good 10 - 15g a day with that! Enjoying it for what its worth!

Water today started good and dropped way the hell off. I'm sitting here thinking... yeah, that didn't go well. I think maybe 12oz in the workday. Frak. Tomorrow on the scale is going to suck, but that's my fault. I can't just look at the water sitting there, I have to drink it!

Today was a little light on food, I forgot to add protein powder into my pumpkin shake, so thats 9g of protein I'm missing today.  However, I think I'm doing pretty good!  And for a visual change of pace, here is a little clip of my food spreadsheet and what I ate today:

	Nov-12
food	amount	Calories	Fat	Carbs	Protein
Noosa Raspberry yogurt	4oz	130	6	14	9
Coffee & creams (2)	1 cup	40	3	3.5	0.5
Cream o Wheat - Maple	1 pack	130	0	28	2
skim milk	1/2c	45	0.3	6	4.5
deviled egg (halves)	2	86	9.25	1.3	6.3
Turkey mini meatloaf	1 (4oz)	140	7	4.5	14
Cottage Cheese	1/2c	90	2.5	0	12
Pumpkin shake (milk only)	1	147	0.8	25.5	9.7
Acorn Squash	1/2c	57	0	15	1
Turkey mini meatloaf	1 (4oz)	140	7	4.5	14
Yellow Mustard	2T	2	0	0	0
Totals		1007	35.85	102.3	73

Stay the Course

well, I'm back up a little this morning,

weigh in - 271.0

I'm frustrated. BUT... I know that I am doing the right stuff. I need to keep drinking my water and not try to get crazy with the calorie cutting, keep getting my protein in and keep working out. 

It IS going to happen.  Of course the irrational part of my brain is going CRAZY! gaining gaining gaining... its going to happen. So, I'm trying to keep it quiet and just go about my day.

This weeks breakdown is good:

Monday
Calories: 1129
Fat: 46.2
Carbs: 102.8
Protein: 68.2

Tuesday
Calories: 1103
Fat: 42.5
Carbs: 96.5
Protein: 68.4

Wednesday
Calories: 1054
Fat: 43.6
Carbs: 100.6
Protein: 57.6 (meh)

Thursday
Calories: 1139
Fat: 44.8
Carbs: 103.5
Protein: 74.8

Friday
Calories: 1029
Fat: 39.3
Carbs: 113
Protein: 70

Okay, calories are good, but I am eating too much fat and carbs.   Need to get in some more proteins, and since I'm still on soft foods, that means I need to get in some more shakes. This week I've backed off from them, and that might be an area that would help me make some improvements.

Okay, I'm already feeling a little better. I've lost 30lbs in 3 weeks. My poor body hasn't done anything that momentous for a decade, so I'm going to give it a break!  :) 

Today I have a light squat session at 11:30, and I have about 3 hours of cleaning that needs to be done, as well as grocery shopping, and maybe, a hair cut. 

So time to get to it! 

I had a date this morning

With my bike!!! Best investment ever (besides my VSG surgery that is).

I did a nice easy 17 min ride on level 4. Just wanted to ease my way back into some exercise (though I do an exceptional amount of stairs everyday, since we live in a three story townhome. It's a lot of up and down!).

Food was good over the weekend, I'm averaging 1,000 - 1,200 a day now. My protein intake has been excellent, typically over 75g a day!! I was really pleased to eat out and not lose control. This surgery has really changed my life. I feel like a burden has been lifted. The weight of constantly struggling against my compulsion and hunger for food has been removed.

Not feeling "starving" and the knowing that I can't overeat are really liberating feelings. thinking about food has halved, I'm not imagining where, when, what, and how much I can get to eat. Those used to be all consuming thoughts.

This mornings weigh in was: 270.0

I know that I keep saying this, but every morning I think "this is it, the gaining has to start". I can't believe that I'll be in the 260's his week!!!! The last time I was that weight was 2007. 5 fraking years ago!!!!!!!! Wow!

:) today is a happy Monday!