I can see all the errors that I made back then, things that I wouldn't do again.
- too many carbs
- too much sugar
- no exercise
- always attempting to eat too more
I also see just how far I have come from and I'm still proud of that.
Changes that I have made:
- no soda
- no booze (not that I was a big drinker anyway)
- generally make better food choices, more protein
- 50lbs gone and to be fair, I was headed to 350+, which is not my reality anymore
I feel like this surgery was a pendulum swing for me. I was so far to one side (binging and eating amounts) and the surgery swung it way to the other. The final result was that I settled in the middle, which is still too many calories to get to where I want to be. I can and do eat 1700 - 2200 a day and I am hungry several times in the day.
If I get approved and have surgery to re-sleeve myself, then the arc of the pendulum will be so much smaller this time, that I think the final resting place will be more reasonable than 250lbs and more like 1195/200.
Directly after my first surgery consultation in 2012 I went to Shipley's donuts and bought a dozen donuts and ate 11 of them in my car. The week before my pre-surgery diet started I ate three full sized bagels and a tub of cream cheese. I also used regularly eat a whole large pizza, followed by a pint of ice cream and a liter of soda. I never left anything on my plate.
I feel that the mental leap from eating 4,000 calories in a sitting to ~1,000 calories a day was so huge that I couldn't even grasp it. It was actually mentally impossible for me to see that I need so little food that I could get by on a 1/4 of what I had in a single sitting. I couldn't conceive of a meal that didn't have a starch of some sort - WAS it even possible to HAVE A MEAL without carbs?
I do a lot better now, I eat better, more protein and actually follow the diet guidelines, +100g protein a day - but the issue is how much I can eat.
I've read this a few times and I don't like how it sounds, but there it is. Looking back through all my other posts it was nice to have a few that were stream of consciousness - much like this. So, posting these thoughts for my own good.
