Old Patterns

I had a bad week at the office last week.  My "give a damn" was broken and my capacity for stupid questions was backed up. 

So what did I do....

Mostly.... I turned to food.

This is an old old pattern that is really really difficult to break. I did it with full awareness, which doesn' make it better.  But I knew that I was eating to feel good, and sadly, I have to report that there was a part of me that did feel good about it on Friday night - post Chinese food horribleness.

I justify it with, a binge on bad food now is a joke by comparison, which it is. However it the behavior that is damaging, not the amout of food - since its such a small fraction of what I would have done before.  But I want to acknowledge that this is STILL BAD BEHAVIOR.

AND, even though it is a "small amount" of food - I was punished with a 2.4lbs gain over the weekend. That was... scary.  I'm amazed at what salt can do to the body.  Regardless, I snapped out of it with my Sat and Sun morning weigh ins. I hit the water, and am back on track.

Saturday and Sunday I did NOT want to weigh in - those are the days I make myself do it, since I know those are the days I need it the most.  Which I did.

I've been stalling on getting back into my lifting (something that I could have done instead of eating), so I'm going to get back on that this week and start with some light biking and body weight squats.  Next week I'll hit the gym again - lightly, as my abdominal wall still has some tender spots, but that scar tissue just has to be worked through.

Anyway - todays food is all planned out in MFP already.   I find it so much easier when I don't have to make decisions.  What I can eat is in there - no substitutions, no deviation.  Easy.

I think that April is the month to break out of the 230's and touch 229 at least once.