2012 - I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs, the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.

2017 - I'm preop for the Duodenal Switch procedure for my sleeve to help me get to goal weight....and to fix another hiatal hernia.

Friday, May 31, 2013

May 2013 Recap

May recap

The Numbers:

April 30 - 245.6
May 1 - 246.4
May 2 - 246.8
May 3 - 246.2
May 4 - 246.6
May 6 - 246

May 8 - 245
May 9 - 243.2
May 10 - 243.8
May 11 - 243.8
May 12 - 244.4
May 13 - 245.2
May 14 - 245.8
May 15 - 246.8
May 16 - 245.8
May 17 - 245.4
May 18 - 244
May 19 - 244.4
May 20 - 243.2
May 21 - 243.2
May 22 - 242.6
May 23 - 243.2
May 24 - 242.8
May 25 - 242.4
May 26 - 242
May 27 - 241.2
May 28 - 241.2
May 29 - 240.8 (-60lbs)
May 30 - 240.6
May 31 – 241.2

Pounds lost in May: 4.4
Pounds lost overall: 59.8

May has been an interesting month. I started it out with an injury and a massive up/down and stalling out.  Mid-month, I was feeling better and made a BIG change in the amount of water that I was getting in a day.  This really helped turn this month around in terms of losing weight, and honestly – feeling better.  I did a really bad job of water yesterday – so todays “up” weigh in was not too big a surprise to me.  But, I know I’m on track right now, and that’s a good feeling.  Very positive!!

I’m still plagued with hip/groin issues.  I fly out to WI for work tonight and am back on Monday night. I’m a little scared that I might be setting myself up for a disaster if I push too hard.  So I have my foam roller packed, and my lacrosse ball – that I use to do massage on the big muscles – i.e. sitting on that ball to get my glutes and hams rubbed out from any tightness that might move back into the groin.

In terms of successes… I’ve not changed a size down yet in my clothing, but everything that I have fits much better. My XL shirts are comfortable and getting a little tiny bit loose.  I feel more comfortable in them and that is SUCCESS!  I’ll take it.  I actually shopped in 0ld Nvy and fit very nicely into the XL’s.  I can see that I’ll be a size L in there quite soon.  Exciting stuff.

I also hit my -60lbs goal this month (okay – its 59.8, but as I said in my other post – I’ll take it!).  

Monday, May 27, 2013

60 lb Goal

This morning was a very happy surprise.  Gold Star Happy!

Weigh in : 241.2

That is 59.8lbs lost... so, between you and me..... let's just call that 60!!  :)

60 Fraking Pounds!!!!!

I would also like to note - mostly for myself, that I really believe that I can attribute my loss at the end of this month to my water intake finally increasing again.

It is so damn important to get the water in.  I'm feeling better, I look better, I have better movements and more regular(!!), and I find that I'm not eating as much.  I was actually eating when I was thirsty.  Now I make sure that I take water with me ever where.

I've been doing other things right too, and got back on top of being very strick with my WLS directions:

1. no drinking with meals
2. stop eating when I'm full (this is a HARD one for me who is a classic stuffer, think.... wolf gulping food down at a kill)
3. More Protein

:)  Tamzin, keep at it and before long you will be in the 230's.!! 

I also spent some time reading through all my monthly and bi-monthly reports.  Its good reading for me, look back, see what I was thinking, what has changed, how I feel, how I felt. 

I remember distinctly being 231lbs in college, and one of the mens athletic team (that I was a member of the womens section) bothering me about it. It will be unreal to be back down there.  The lowest adult weight I remember was when I was 25.  I was 195lbs for about a week, but that was serious starvation dieting for an event and a dress that I had bought...

Its very exciting to think about getting down to that weight.  I already look so different, its going to be very interesting! 

In fact, I'm at the office this morning getting a few hours of work in, and we have a brunch date at 10:30with friends I have not seen in 5 months.  They are going to freak out.  I'm kind of looking forward to it.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Half Way

Holy #*($&##

I'm half way to my goal weight of 185lbs.  In fact, just over half way. How the hell did this sneak up on me without me even thinking about it?!??!?!?!?

Weigh in this morning: 242.8

Thats 58.2lbs lost.  Its just over 7 months since surgery and almost 60lbs gone, another 57.8lbs to go.  WOW!

If I manage to lose 4.8lbs a month, I will be there in 1 year from now.  

.....Well, thats pretty optimistic, i dont actually think that I could lose that as a sustainable amount each month.  I think its closer to 3lbs a month, which will be 19 months to goal weight.   However, that means ...... that on my 40th birthday I'll be under 200lbs. That's a goal I can get behind!!!!

There is no better gift to give to myself than that.  

Magic Pill

The Husbeast was out of town last night, and as is my normal self sabotage ways... I stopped and let myself get a pint of ice cream.

Ben & Jerry's American Dream. I used to polish off one of those, a large pizza and 2 cokes.

Even with success,there is still the need to overfeed, binge, self sabotage. Its the ugly side of food for me.  That I still look at it as a secret. I would NEVER do that if he was home, and well, he would give me the side eye and tell me not to.. so there is that as well.

I know that I can't eat a whole pint anymore, the sleeve has fixed that. But tat desire to feel sick from eating is still there.  So, that happened. I ate ice cream on the sofa until I was sick.  Which is really NOT the way that I want to maintain my weight.  Throwing up is not good for you. Neither is eating a pint of ice cream. arg.

In terms of eating, I had been really quite good for the last week, and the scale is showing it.  I cut back on the amount of eating out we have done. Upped my proteins in the work day and my water. Both of which are helping. 

I did binge on ice cream last night, but not much of it stayed in. That just serves to highlight my success and failure at weight loss. I really wish that there was a magic pill for this - head and .  I mean, I've had the sleeve surgery, which is about as close as I could come to a magic pill, but as everyone knows (who's had surgery, lapband etc), that there is STILL work to be done. This sleeve is a tool. It keeps things in check, just like carrying a smaller purse keeps me from lugging my whole world around on my shoulder.  However, I still have to pick what go IN there.

Anyway, I think that writing about my food activity - the good and the bad - more. I wasn't going to .... I was just going to post my weight and try to forget about this happening.   Writing this out and really examining myself and my eating is going to help in the end.  I also confessed to the Husband, and let him know what I did, another thing that I wasn't going to do.

Weigh in this morning, 242.6. A new low for me!  :)   Which makes me happy, but also makes me aware that I don't want to think of it as a reward for bad behavior.  So, keep drinking that water, and keep eating that protein girl.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Good Mornig

Well, I'm feeling great - another morning weigh-in in the 243's and I didn't even get a morning p00p in today! haha  Take that TMI for morning blog reading.

I can see the difference in the shirt that I'm wearing. Last I put it on, maybe 10days ago, it felt a LITTLE too tight, but I wore it anyway.  Today, it doesn't feel like its gripping me for dear life. Today, it just is nicely fitted.  :)  

I'm on track to hit my water target for 9am.  I have noticed that if I get on it early, and don't spend the whole day trying to "catch up", I do a lot better.  So, today I'm going to stay on it.  CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

The other great news is that we have a contract on a new house for us.  I'm super excited, nervous and worried. Of course, all that good stuff.  We are booking the inspections and surveys, and we are going to renno the kitchen a little, new back splash, repaint the lower cupboards, take out the top ones and put in some nice simple open shelving.  I'm excited.  I'm going to do some painting as well - most of the house is "move-in beige", and I can't stand that in the bedroom.  Happily, both bathrooms are a nice light blue, so that's a job I don't have to do. Anyway - speculation is best done before the hard work begins. 

Right, like I've said before - I must really hate myself. I'm super busy at work and all this other stuff... now we are buying, and renno'ing a home.  I can see where my weekends are going to be.

okay - back to my water and work.

Saturday, May 18, 2013


Morning constitutional before weigh in = 244.0!

Yes, back on track! 

Friday, May 17, 2013

7 Month Sleeversary

Whoa!  how did this happen. The 15th came and went and I totally forgot about my 7 month anniversary.  Lord how the time flies.

I'm gong to have to stop these ones soon and just go to the end of the month summary soon - 2 round ups a month is too many! ha!

Starting weight – 301
7 month weigh in – 245.4
Pounds lost – 55.4
Pant sizes down – 4 (16/18)
Shirt size down – 3 (reg XL)
I was 245.8 at the 6 month sleeversary, so this .4lbs is nothing to cheer about. But... its still downward movement....
So screw it, today I choose to be happy about it and go with the flow. I've been sick, injured and haven't seen the inside of a gym in close to a month.
I've also noted, that although my sizes have not changed, the way those clothes fit has. Easier to get one, no binding, looser... its all progress.  I'm still pleased.
I'm enjoying my new water bottle - its already nearly doubled the water I drink in a day. Sweet action! 
So, there you go. Todays sleeversary - short and sweet.

Thursday, May 16, 2013


OMG, Michelle at Eggface posted up the best water picture ever.  This is exactly what I have to do.  Must get some new water bottles and mark them up for home on the weekends.

In fact, I'm going to do this to my work water bottle right now:

Done.. and lo and behold, I was behind already... made sure to take care of that.  I will also have to refill and use this one for am and pm, but that's all good.  I don't think that I have had a full Liter of water here at the office in a day for..... months.

Chronically dehydrated.. that pretty much sums me up.  Lets see how this little tool helps out. As always, awareness is key. Its easy to not drink water if I don't know how little I've had.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Up down up

I'm trying not to totally spaz about my three days of gaining. I'm back up into the 246's again. ARG!

I'm over tired and under watered. I know that's an issue. I'm also still recovering, so can't even go walking very far. RAWR. 

Of course, along with not sleeping comes the carb cravings. I'm a mess. 

I had a couple of people comment on my shirt today, and telling me how nice it was. It was tighter than I'm used to, I'll have to take a picture next time. So, that tells me either it looked good, or really bad. You know, like how when you see a disaster haircut and are all, "ohh... New hair cut... Looks nice". 

I'm thinking about getting some of the slimpressions shirts that I hear people talk about. I feel jiggly and want that extra layer to feel.... Safe. What a strange thing to see myself type. This displeases me, clearly I have work to do. 

Okay, I was better today, with water. I peed three time before lunch.... Which is 2 more time then usual. So... Yeah. Dehydrated. 

On the other front, heading to bed in 30 min. Catch up on my zzzz's.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Better, all kinds of better

I'm finally feeling better. Thank the gawds!

I managed to work on Friday morning, then off to see my chiropractor. I Spent the afternoon icing on the sofa and watching HBO. 

Slept in a little this morning, went for breakfast, then off to the office for 2 and a half hours, to try and catch up on some of the work that I've missed out on. Yikes. 

My major success in the last two nights is that I could sleep in bed on my side (with a pillow between my legs) instead of on the sofa on my back with my legs up.

In the vain of my other post, "be careful what you wish for". I can definitely see a difference in my eating. I'm not as hungry, and I certainly can't eat as much as I was before. I'm still making some poor choices, but I can tell that I'm not eating as much as I was before. Of course, this is relative, the sleeve limits my volumes.... which is nothing like before. But I feel less interested in food in general.... Less food seeking behaviors. 

Before I hurt myself, I was on the slippery slope of constantly eating instead of eating and waiting. I had also started drinking and eating which of course is the universal no-no. So I'm back on my strict no drinking while I eat. Today I noticed a major change in the amount of food I could comfortably eat. 

So, progress is being made. I'm still down in the 243's from the 246's. A couple of pounds progress in May is certainly something that I like to see. 

So after a morning of running around, I'm on the sofa with ice for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Just to make sure that I don't go backwards. Next week is a busy one at the office and I cannot miss any time. 

Harry potter (first one) is on again.... Don't mind if I do! 

Thursday, May 9, 2013


I'm finally starting to feel better. Thank goodness because this is been a nightmare. I was considering going to work this morning but the smart part of my brain decided against it.

No point in returning on the first day I feel slightly normal only to be reversed five steps backwards. 

I was actually able to finally step on the scale this morning and as I suspected I have lost weight. 243.2 this morning. 

The blessing in disguise. I wanted to kickstart, but I'm pretty sure that this wasn't what I had in mind. However it's what I was dealt so I have to deal with it. 

One more day on the couch listening to the dog snoring and farting, while watching HGTV &  HBO. I guess life isn't too bad. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Be careful what you wish for!

It's always funny when that phrase comes up. Be careful what you wish for.

I've been feeling out of sorts and wanting to get back on track with my eating, but not seeming to be able to do it on my own.

On Sunday I totally overdid it. I got an aggressive massage washed the dog and did a whole bunch of walking. Lots of stuff bent over and working at odd angles. Sunday night I could feel my back and growing starting to tighten up.

Monday I went to work anyway and struggled to walk around and sit in my chair, my groin and hips were getting worse! But there is work to be done and I, worker bee, must be there to do it no matter the price. I managed to get a chiropractic appointment at 2:30 in the afternoon. She was called by the state of my lower back.

I managed to Finish the work day and head home. Where I sat on the Couch all evening on some ice bags and didn't realize what I'd done to myself until I tried to stand.

From years of abusing my body playing rugby I have many old injuries that crop up. Especially if I'm not looking after myself properly, which quite frankly, I haven't done in years.

I've had this lower back hip groin problem before last year at Thanksgiving in fact.
I pushed and pushed and pushed, and I was on the sofa for a week. Fortunately, I'm slightly smarter than I was last time.

I took some hydrocodone put my legs up and slept for most of the night. And I've been on the couch ever since. Hydrocodone has a terrible effect on me, which is, I don't want to eat and if i do, I just throw up everything. Be careful what you wish for.

So needless to say yesterday, I had some goldfish crackers, perhaps a cup of soup, and a few bits of watermelon. Not how I wanted to lose weight but I'm quite sure it's happened.

We also figured out exactly what's happening - I have a crazy thing going on called Pelvic floor spasms. Which is really not as enjoyable as it sounds. It pretty much feels like I'm being knifed in the crotch whenever I try to move. :(

Basically my back and hips are shot from rugby, and when they start to tighten up - the weakest muscle in the pelvic girdle is the one that's going to suffer. Clearly I need to get on some Keagle exercises.

This morning I am much improved. I was able to actually walk to the bathroom without too much pain. I'm able to eat my cup of yogurt. I am off the hydrocodone. I'm not going to work today, one more day of rest and ice and hopefully I should be well on my way back to good health.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Plugging along

Nothing to report. lingering in the 246's, working lots of overtime, in fact spent almost 5 hrs at the office on Saturday.

I've been walking the dog more, but not yet getting my ass on the bike.

Mantra for this week: just keep swimming.