I had Vertical Sleeve Gastric Surgery in October 2012, and this is my journey to push the fat girl aside and start living life without fear of lawn chairs,
the middle seat, clothing shops and high heels. Among other things.


MEASURE TWICE - EAT ONCE!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

April 2013 Recap

Monthly Recap:

Pounds lost in April – 1.8lbs
Pounds lost overall – 55.4

March 31 - 247.4
April 2 - 247.6
April 3 - 247.4
April 4 - 247
April 5 - 246
April 7 - 247
April 8 - 247.4
April 9 - 246
April 10 - 247.4
April 11 - 248.4
April 12 - 247.6
April 13 - 248.6
April 14 - 247.2
April 15 - 245.8
April 16 - 245.8
April 17 - 246.2
April 18 - 244.4
April 19 - 245.6
April 20 - 245.6
April 21 - 245.4
April 22 - 247.6
April 23 - 247.2
April 24 - 245.8
April 25 - 245.2
April 26 - 247
April 27 - 247.2
April 28 - 246.6
April 29 - 246
April 30 - 245.6



Lackluster, is what I would use to describe this month, well, actually my efforts this month.  

Honestly, this month has sucked, I’ve been sick, stressed, and overworked, HOWEVER that is no excuse for sitting on the sofa and stuffing my face while crying, which is pretty much what I’ve done all month.  All the while moaning about how hard it is to myself, my husband and on this blog. Boo fricken Hoo. 

Wanting to do better and doing better are two different things.  I want to do better....before surgery I wanted to do better too… but I didn’t DO anything.  That is where I need to fix me.  Turning thought into action.

So instead of a giant post about all the things that didn't do and should do – I’m going to spend June “doing” something about it.   I want to be in the 230’s at the end of June and I AM going to make that happen.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Trying

This week I've eaten out of:

anger
happiness
sadness
bordness
madness
guiltiness
weakness

I have eaten to punish myself, soothe myself, anger myself, and hate myself.

I have pushed my limits to make myself physically uncomfortable with food so that I can feel that - instead of emotions.

This is not what I want to do to myself. This is not what I want to do to my body.  But to prevent this, I have to do something about the mind. 

That's the hard part.

I'm holding steady with weight in the 240's, but I can feel how bloated I am with salt and junk.

blarg.  Time to wake up again and realize that food is not the answer to life's stresses.  IT.IS.NOT.THE.ANSWER.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Weekend Catch Up

Phew, its been a long week. 

Taking sick time is great for recovering, but it leaves a 2 day backlog of work at the office that I have to try and struggle out from under.  But, such is the life of the workerbee, and its good for job security.

I'm still just a little under 100% well. However, I was going to let that stop me from working out on Saturday... THEN I DIDNT.   I went and did my weights workout and my legs and mind are thanking me. Ah, so much better being active.

Also - had a nice NSV too boot.  Its been cold here in Houston (Don't hate me - cold for Houston - like 45), so I pulled out a long sleeve dry weave shirt from the hardly-used drawer.  Its a shirt I got playing with a sports team... 10 YEARS ago (pack rat much!). It was a championship shirt, so I've been keeping it.

Welp, I threw that puppy on AND IT FIT!!!!!!!  gawds damn that made me happy.

weigh in today: 245.4

Doing the up-down dance, so now to start kicking my workouts (and water drinking) into gear again. Hello bike... nice to see you again.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Sick

I've spent the last few days sick, sleeping in a NyQuil induced sleep.  Its been great, but now I'm about a million miles behind at the office.

*sigh*

Welp, such is life.  At least I spent that time getting fully rehydrated!! G2 for the Win!!!

weigh in this morning:  244.4

Pretty sure that is a new low for me.

:)

Monday, April 15, 2013

6 Month Sleeversary (There is no spoon)

Starting weight – 301  
6 month weigh in – 245.8
Pounds lost – 55.2
Pant sizes down – 4 (16/18)
Shirt size down – 3 (reg XL)

6 months.  Half a year is gone. That is really amazing.  Time certainly flies, and I’m halfway to my goal weight (190) a total loss of 110lbs.  I don’t have a “date” that I want to be at that goal. I didn’t set the – 1 year 100lbs goal.  I don’t think that is realistic for me (and I was right given my numbers of late). But I would like to be losing closer to 5 – 7lbs a month instead of 3 – 4lbs where I've been currently. 

I’ve struggling for a few months – Feb and March and April, and I’ve been feeling pretty negative. So I’m going to take a most positive stance today on my progress and where I’m going to be next month. 

Goals this month: 

EDIT:  March was my big milestone of -55lbs. Oops! No big miles stones YET this month. I saw my next big milestone of -55lbs.  That’s pretty big!!!  And although I’ve just been hovering around here for a while, I’m really happy about getting to that number.

NSV:

1.Time for another nice TMI (AVERT YOUR EYES SQUEEMISH PEOPLE).  The private lady/man time… well… its back to honeymoon status!! So much better.  That’s all I’m going to say about that.

2. There have not been a lot of size changes, but I do have some friends that have told me that I do keep looking smaller every time they see me.  My weightlifting buddy told me my legs are looking huge (total compliment from him) and that he expects that I’m what a Valkyrie looks like.  HIGH praise indeed!

3. Exercise. Being sick didn’t help that at all, but I have been putting in more regular time on the bike and weights.

4. Knee High Boots.  My husbeast bought me some gorgeous light grey knee high boots, they have little round buttons up the top ¼ of the boot on the outside.  Last night I tried them on and I could do one more button up on each side. I’m at 4 of 10.  In the end, I think they are going to fit, so I don’t want to take them to get stretched… you can’t undo that (as my chin skin will attest to!).

Other stuff.  Life is starting to level out.  We have our taxes done, we are settled into our new apartment, I’m just over a month into my new job.  Its all going well.  Now to start bumping up the activity and bumping down the snacking.

Life is good.  Life is amazing!  Life if great and I love it.  -55lbs… that’s more then my poor little brain believed in, I hoped for more. 

My mental status is where the real work needs to be done. It’s like… the Matrix. The truth is, that I don’t have to be fat, I won’t always be fat but my brain won’t believe it and my eye’s sometimes don’t see it.   It’s a work in progress.  Today is a good day to look back at it and reset my mind to the job, there is no spoon!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Ouff

It's been a rough week. I'm not looking after myself and the scale is showing it. My body is feeling it. I am hating it!

Of course, what I hate is my inability to make more change happen when I need it. Or rather faster.

I am making the changes.

More water has been drank. Movement in the #2 department is happening. And I did get in my workout today and a short bike session on Wednesday.

Keeping at it!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Up, Up and away

blarg,

I know its impossible for me to gain 2+ lbs in 2 days, but that still sucks on the scale.

I had a hard weights workout on Tuesday and I still had trouble getting up off the toilette this morning because my legs are so sore.

I've also been drastically behind on my water... which means no activity in the #2 department, which means.... weight goes up.

Gawds. Time to get my ducks in order again.  Water has been drunk, I'm going to get on the bike tonight... help flush some of this out of me.

Photos of food today was going to happen, but I just ate yogurt without a pic, so it will be another empty countainer shot.  WTH brain...?  get into gear.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Monday noms photos




Short morning coffee while doing my hair (with non fat creamer)


YUMMY!  Cafe Latte flavor!!


MOAR coffee


Big Train Chai Lattee Protien drink (hot!) - 1/4c serving


ops! ate this before the photo!!  Light baby bel!


Herloom tomatoes, one little goat cheese, baby bel, 1 slice chedder,
and some spicy buffalo wheat thins (really good)


more eggs....


Wasabi peas... to keep me off the chocolate


didn't work - but this was the LAST of those damn things


Got my "ride on"


pita chips and hummus with black and green olives. Really rich!


Moar chocolates... have a problem much tamzin?  
Left over from the raod-trip... this sh*t has to get out of the house.

Mondays!

Its Monday, yep... monday. 

We were out of town this weekend at a festival, which was plenty fun and lots of excellent good times were had.

I had too much salty road snacks and not nearly enough water.  Sunday we were home, but too late to recover then. 

I'm feeling it today for sure.

Up on the scale, no number 2 this morning... the body is holding on!

Biking will happen tonight, water will happen all day and I'm photo'ing my foods today as well.  This shall help!!!

:)  Back on track after a weekend away. 

Friday, April 5, 2013

Blam!!

weigh in this morning... 246!

F**k... eating right and paying attention works!!  

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Noms & day in pictures



Morning short coffee - none fat creamer. about 4oz


Yogurt! I eat about 4/3 of this then the rest after next coffee


Coffee at the office in the best mug ever.  Creamers x 2


Starter salad, lemon/oil dressing, 2 small breads (side plate)



Lasagna, shared with the hubby!


My portion


4 chocolate eggs - I need to get rid of these


Wasabi Peas!!!


this is why I need them gone... 4 more


working late.... so partial dinner now


loves his momma!


YAY!  exercise done.


Turkey "Pucks"
meatloaf of ground turkey, onion, corn, spinnach, 3/4c oats, 1 egg
cooked in the muffin tin
...Bacon jam on top.  Thats right.. bacon jam

Not pictured, 3/4c toasted o circles from kellogs as my post dinner snack.  

March 2013 Recap (finally)

Okay - I have started this post 3 times, and today I'm going to do it. 

Actually, its lucky that work has been so crazy, because all the first posts that I started are so bloody negative that I can't stand to even use a little bit of them.

Was March a great month? Did I pull up my socks and get on the bike?  Did I eat right all the time and not snack and have sugar for meals?

The answer to all of those is no. However, that doesn't make me a bad human being, it just makes me human. I did some of those things, for a little bit, but certainly, I have to get my ducks in a row and do them all.

The sleeve is a tool, and if I want to use that tool, its there for me.  OR, I can go against the tool, make life uncomfortable (physically and emotionally every morning on the scale) and generally fight against the flow for all its worth... then complain bitterly when it doesn't work out. Yeah... that's the ticket.

So, that was March.  I had a bad Feb. Complained about that. Didn't make ANY changes, in fact, I did worse.  Then I wanted to complain about that.  Brilliant!! 

Today, I'm feeling more positive.  Last night I had a little come to jebuz meeting with myself and here we are today.

Okay - the numbers:

Pounds lost in March: 3.6
Total lost overall: 53.6

Feb 28 - 251.0 (-50lbs!)
March 1 - 249.6
March 2 - 249.4
March 3 - 247.4
March 4 - 248.4
March 5 - 248.8
March 6 - 248
March 7 - 247.6
March 8 - 248.6
March 9 - 248
March 10 -248
March 11 - 248.4
March 12 - 249.4
March 13 - 249.2
March 14 - 249.2
March 15 - 249.6
March 16 - 249.8
March 17 - 249.8
March 18 - 247.6
March 19 - 248.4
March 20 - 248.2
March 21 - 247.6
March 23 - 247.6
March 24 - 246.6
March 25 - 245.8 (-55lbs) March 26 - 246.6
March 27 - 246
March 28 - 246.2
March 29 - 246.4
March 30 - 246.6
March 31 - 247.4


Despite the upswing in the bottom of the month, I did manage to hit another goal weigh of -55lbs.  It was only for a day, but I'm confident that I'll be getting back there soon.

Today I started taking pictures of the food I am eating (will post those later), and frankly it has increased my awareness of what was going in by 100%.  Also, it has made me start listening to my fullness level and sort of jarred me awake to what I've been putting in my mouth.  I had lunch and started some sweet-seeking behaviors... but then I realized, that I was actually full. 

It's been an eye opener for the day.  Here's to a better April.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Onward

Another crazy day at the office. Started at 7am and there until 5. Thankfully I got in my lunchtime chiro appointment! Ahh so much better.

Sadly, no time for blogging. Arg.

Sheila at This One Body did a day of eating in pictures. I really need to do this. My snacking is getting outofcontrol! So if I can't blog, I can at least take pictures of what I'm eating.

That will be my task for the rest of this week. Pics of food.

:)

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Hair straight back

Up and at the office at 7:30am
Worked like a dog all straight through to 2:30
Off and over to title company for an hour to sign off on all the paperwork for the house sale
Back at the office at 4
Worked until 7
Home & got onto the bike immediately - 30 min done, 6.5miles.

Whoa.... What a day. No time for any blogging, so another day of waiting for my month end report. Sheesh. I hope, tomorrow might be kicking my butt too!

Bright spot.... Exercise done.

Weigh in this morning: 247.6

Monday, April 1, 2013

March blah

I owe a monthly report and I'm SO not feeling it. It shall be done tomorrow.

Biked for 30 min tonight. Ate like shit this afternoon.

Straight up totally forgot to weigh in this morning.

Mood: gloomy